The ugly truth about Marriage

It’s a bold statement that goes against all of the things you see about relationships on Pinterest or Facebook.

So many things I see are perfectionists statements. “If its true love there will never be hurt or pain or tears.” True love never hurts it heals.” You can search Pinterest for 2 seconds and you will find literally thousands of these. They sound great don’t they. They sound like if you just found this perfect person that God sent to you everything would be perfect. Keep reading that view is going to change.

The facts are this, the closer you let someone into your life the more ugly you see from them (and them in you too), more annoying habits, more reactions, more of that person that will make you wonder who they are and what happened to the person you knew before you got married. The fact is the closer you get to someone, you see them in all of their greatness and all of their ugly. You see parts you could not have seen before living in the same house. Then add in if it’s a second marriage with kids and several years of singleness under both of your belts. You begin to see why so many second marriages fail. It is hard, plain and simple, but does this mean God didn’t bring you together? Does this mean that God made a mistake or that you made a mistake? I believe that anytime God brings two people together under His covenant prepare for an attack. The enemy will use one or all of these annoyances or even your past and make you second guess yourself. Make you second guess God even. He will try to drive a wedge to grow bitter roots. This is where the a proper God view of marriage will overcome all of those things.

The bitter truth about marriage is that the closer you get to each other the more vulnerable you become. For a marriage to truly grow, both people must be dangerously vulnerable. What I mean by that is with this example. It’s like you are opening up your soul to someone knowing they can take a knife and do more damage than anyone or anything in the world, but trusting them not too. The facts of the matter are,  as husband and wife, we will hurt each other, we will say things (knowing or unknowing) that hurt and dig very deep. I don’t want anyone to get down about marriage, it’s truly is one of the biggest blessings that God gave us as humans. But in today’s society we have it mixed up. Gods best for us is not painless, it’s not easy and its not without difficulty. So when you face those things in marriage don’t write off your partner, don’t let the devil drive a wedge. The difference in a marriage and a Godly marriage is one of connection, not just between each other but a connection with God to guide us. We feed the connection in the relationship with each other and with God, not so much because we want to but because we are driving to honor God. We do that by honoring the one we are married too.

We do it not because we like our spouse all the time, but the fact that we know their heart, we know them behind the heated remark, we know them beyond the stress they are going through. We overlook the annoyances not because it’s the godly christian thing to do but because we know the person at a heart level and not just the circumstances that can influence our attitude some times.

1 Peter 4:8 Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

This is what it comes down too. We can focus on the reactions or we can allow true Godly love to overcome the things the devil tries to throw at us. Don’t get me wrong, it takes a willingness to apologize followed by true repentance, and lots of forgiveness.

We must fight for our marriages, we must fight to overcome all of our self driven feelings or emotions. They are not always accurate. We must choose love over everything else. Assume the best from your spouse. Anytime you have a choice in your mind about what did they mean by something, before you assume the worst, just ask what they meant by it. It’s that simple, don’t create your own dialogue for them.

You see, marriage is not found on Pinterest memes. It’s not found on Facebook. Its found in the covenant between the two of you and God. Both of you not just one. (I will state that when there is abuse that covenant is broken, when one is out to hurt and control the other, with abuse be it physical, emotion or even financial. The Godly covenant has been broken. You must protect yourself and your kids. I am talking about two Godly people who struggle with normal human differences not abuse.)

So after reading this far, have I shattered your hopes for marriage? I hope not, it truly is a huge blessing and a wonderful gift from God. But the blessings don’t come from perfection. They come from us learning to overcome our selfish needs and wants. It comes from choosing to see your spouse for the good they bring and to not focus on the little annoyances. Having someone in your corner is huge. Having a wife that you know believes in you more than you believe in yourself is huge for a man. Having a husband that you know sees you as the most beautiful woman in his world, even if you don’t feel like it means a lot. So I encourage you to embrace marriage for the reality it is and the struggles you will face. Your spouse will never EVER meet all of your needs, he/she can try, but they will fail 100%, only Christ can do that. So keep both of you driving to stay in that close connection with God, because this will naturally bring you closer to each other.

Don’t fall for the perfection that society says marriage is or will be. Embrace the imperfections, learn from them and grow in your relationship with your husband/wife and with God. Keep this cord of three close and tight and you can not go wrong.