Don’t take things for granted.
It’s something we all know and even say, but how often do we listen to our own advice?
I was reading an article about a widow and the journey God took her through. The one line that really got me was this. “I kissed my husband good bye, and he never came back.” That single sentence hit me really hard. We truly never know if we walk out the door if we will make it back. Many people don’t even want to talk about it or mention it, out of some kind of omen or bad luck. The fact is we need to keep it in our mind, not so much in fear but to keep our perspective on life and just how precious it is. Stop giving the quick kiss good bye, the quick I love you with no meaning. I don’t mean we should be in tears at every parting. I’m taking about the little things we let get between us, the annoyances the little habits the small things that can grow into more, that get in the way of really appreciating someone you love.
I read another article from a widow that said she had been a horrible wife, she had complained about his shoes left in the wrong spot, the dishes put in the dish washer wrong, the dirty clothes not quite making it to the hamper. She was now a widow and in tears said she wished she had the problems to picking up his socks or shoes. She would have given anything to take the harsh words back and be glad to rearrange the dishwasher. What it comes down to is our thoughts and how far we let the negative things take us. I don’t mean to say we ignore bad behavior or let an abusive situation just slide. But we have to ask ourselves. Is this going to matter 20 minutes from now? Does this really have any kind of long lasting impact on us?
I am a firm believer in saying what I feel. I am sure my wife wonders why she gets random texts that just say I love you so often. If I’m going about my day and she comes to mind for any length of time
(usually does) I always think of her smile and how her face lights up and it hits those deep places in my heart that really matter. I used to over think sending them. I wondered what she would think, does she think I’m being needy or clingy, does she think I’m throwing it out there just to get one back because I am needing it at that time. And at times through out our past I think I probably did but not anymore. If I feel it I say it. I bet I tell my wife I love you 5+ times a day. She probably gets tired of hearing it but its just how I feel and I always want her to know it. She will even be working with the boys on school and ill walk past kiss her head and whisper an I love you. I don’t need to hear one back. It means so many things to me. Thank you, I’m thinking of you and I appreciate you and I adore you. I don’t ever want to get to a place I take any thing she does for granted.
So what I’m saying to you is this. Stop fussing over the little stuff. Don’t let them get to you. Choose to look at the good things, look at their heart and embrace those things, we can nit pick all day long. We all have stuff, every single one of us has our annoying habits. It doesn’t mean we can’t or shouldn’t work to do things better but it means don’t stay hung up on them. Don’t make those little things mountains when they are really not even a bump in the road. Trust me, life has a way of helping you put things into perspective. Value your partner for who they are. Yes she has to have her nicknacks in order, yes she may have to have all 15 pillows on a perfectly made bed each morning. And Guys… MAKE THE BED!!! There is no excuse not to. Its little things like that, that in the large scheme don’t matter at all but are still things we can improve on. So lets get over ourselves here and learn to love in a giving kind of way. Don’t keep score of any negatives. Let them go like bubbles on a breeze. If your going to keep score then keep the good qualities, the good things, the generous things and try to even that score. If he gets you flowers out of the blue, get him his fav drink or diner on your way home. If she goes out of her way to pick up something for you that’s out of her way. Then go wash her car, clean the inside or fill up the tank for her. What this does is it keeps us looking for good nice things to do and not focused on the sock that didn’t make it to the hamper or what ever it might be.
Love is such an amazing thing to experience, yet one of the most frustrating at the same time. I truly believe the Bible and how God speaks of love and how it should be lived out in our lives. Its giving not taking, it overcomes many sins, it is forgiving and grace giving. But the fact is it is up to us. When I say that I mean where our minds wonder or focus, this is the direction our marriage will go. If you stay focused on all the reasons your wife is failing, then that’s where you will stay. If your focused on all the ways your husband isn’t meeting your expectations then that is the mind set you will stay in. Don’t be that wife/husband. You married this person, you loved them. Now at like adults and figure out how to honor them.
(Side note. There are abusive people that this does not work with. This will only feed them to be more abusive and destructive against you. That is a different set of problems that are not touched on here in this article. I by no means would diminish the struggle someone in an abusive relationship is going through. Never allow others to force you back, never allow anyone make you feel guilty for getting out.)