I heard a sermon today about staying tuned in to your faith. Being intentional about that connection and aware of it daily.
It made me think of the same thing with our spouses. How often have you felt disconnected of not really tuned in. Well for me, more often than I would like to admit.
It was told this way. In the air at any given time there are countless things flying through the air. Tv, radio, internet blue tooth you name it, countless things we greatly depend on that we can not see. How do you get tuned in to them? You pick up the antenna that delivers that signal. That invisible signal.
Each relationship has antennas we need to be very aware of. But one we tend to leave on the floor. As humans and men and women we all know we think differently, respond differently and react differently to things and we are desperately trying to get our feelings, words or point of view heard.
Here is a trick. Pick up your antenna and get tuned into your spouse and get off of your own stuff for a bit.
Guys, your wife desperately wants to feel connected with you. She wants to share your day. To know what you did, how you felt and to know that she was on your mind. She does this through communication. LoL well that’s most guys weakest skill. She may ask you. Did you have lunch? Your answer. Yes. If you had your antenna up and tuned in you would know her simple question wasn’t did you have lunch? But rather. I need to know about your day, I need to know specifics to feel more connected with you.
Us men usually don’t get that. Our natural tendency is to answer the question given to us as short and to the point as we can. Not out of disrespect but out of simplicity.
Guys can do better here. A lot better. But so can the women. Ladies he will miss your unspoken cues at times. Even a tuned in man will miss them sometimes. I’m not a woman I can’t possible think as she does. So ladies his simple answers are not a reflection of your relationship. It doesn’t mean you are not on his mind. It doesn’t mean you are not important to him. Or that he doesn’t love you.
See we both have to have some antennas up and some willingness to gain the point of view of our spouse.
What does a husband want the most? LoL all the women just shouted sex. I could literally hear it. Well I would be lying if I said that wasn’t up there. But it’s not at the top. He wants to know you have a passion for him. That you still find him attractive and you still desire him and that you still believe in him and respect him.
I highly recommend wife’s flirt more with their husbands. Kiss longer, reach for him more. Show him you truly desire him and respect him as a flawed man. If you pursue your husband this way he will do back flips to do things to please you and fulfill your needs. Guys that live with this kind of wife may not hit on all of her needs but he will give a huge effort to learn and do what he can.
Guys. What do most wife’s desire? Communication and connection. Before she can feel warmed up for passion she has to feel connected emotionally. She also needs a place to unload her stress level and especially not having you pile more on with your needs. What I mean is. If stuff is stressful and you feel your not getting your needs met at the time because she is in a very stressful time of life, you be the man and suck it up and give more to her. Yes I just said. SUCK IT UP!! and I mean that. She doesn’t need to have your junk of how you’re complaining about the lack of getting your needs met. That just adds to her stress and sense of failure. This does not contribute to her desire to please you in anyway. You just dumped another level of stress that didn’t need to be there.
Get your antennas up and instead of looking at the faults or ways your spouse is screwing up or not meeting your needs. Look from their eyes and see what you can do for them. How can you step up and reestablish the connections again.
We don’t do these things naturally. It takes dropping your pride and ego and need to be right. I shared something on FB the other day that said something like this.
Marriage isn’t 50/50. Or even 100/100
Some days it’s 80/20 and some days your spouse is weak and can only give 20. You suck it up and give the 80. That’s what love is.
So very true. It takes work to keep your connections. It takes work to understand your spouse. Don’t fall back into your natural state.