The call to nobility; Manhood at its finest

Men! Oh where have you gone? We have been washed aside in a sea of feminism. If we stand up we are told being a man is a bad thing, violent and overbearing. Yet this country is missing its men that can stand on character and integrity.

So that being said. What is it that really makes a man noble and of good character?

We can paint a pretty face on it and call it what you like, but until a man knows Jesus and has a serious personal relationship with Him, he will always be searching in the wrong places to figure out how. Its like putting together one of those monstrosity of a desk from Ikea with no instructions. You can probably get it done but its quality will suffer greatly.

So where do you start? What should you be doing or how do you build on your own manhood to raise to a higher calling?

First, I think, you have to humble yourself to God and pray. We can try to be all and do all that it takes but until we have that humbled spirit. We will usually give into other temptations like pride, ego or greed (just a few). So where is a man to start?

Lets talk about integrity. By definition integrity means; the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness. The thing I always think about when I hear the word integrity, is this. Its the quality of character when no one is watching. When you have nothing to gain from doing good or holding to your moral character. How many times have you had this tested? You see a piece of trash and in your mind you think, I could pick that up, but you might walk on past because it would have been a bother. Or did you stop and pick it up to put in the trash.

A personal story for me was my older brother Steve. On a float trip when he was just 16 and I was 12. He finds a wallet caught on some weeds. He floats over and picks it up and it has $800 in it. Sadly he had so many people tell him later. “ Wow I would have grabbed that money and let the rest of the wallet fall in the water.” But he saved it and had my grandparents contact the police to find the man. His money and wallet was returned and he gave my brother $50 reward I think it was. That is quality of character when no one is watching.

That is the kind of nobility we need in men today. We have all failed at it one time or another, but when your looking to be a role model for your kids it makes you see things a little differently. So the question is what do you want our young men today to take with them into manhood? Do you have a thought about your nobility of character? How honest are you with yourself not just in front of others?

Better is the poor who walks in his integrity, than he who is crooked through he be rich. Proverbs 28:6

As men we are never perfect and we have all failed some time or another. Don’t let that stop you . Use it as a lesson for your kids. Use those personal failings to guide and lead them from a voice of experience. Don’t let the devil plant the seed that if you have failed at this in the past, that you can’t make a change and be a new man. First ask God for guidance and then do the hard part, forgive yourself. Make sure you are sowing good seeds because of this change. Use life’s lessons God puts in front o us each day to stop and teach your young men. Don’t let those God given opportunities pass you by.

This is the place you start. Being honest with yourself, the good and the bad. Just don’t be afraid to start, this is too important in the raising of our young men. I know, I know your thinking, wow this is hard and I have missed so many things and given so many bad examples with my life…. Balderdash…. thats the devil talking. Make the changes you need to make, be brave and pray for guidance about how to go about it. or ask someone you look up too, there is no excuse to just dismiss it and go on. Someone will raise your young man and you don’t want it to be todays society. Don’t be afraid to talk to them, give them your years of wisdom and experience. Don’t be afraid of them. They need you big time.

I’ll write someone else on the next part when it comes to me.

As Christ loved the church.

We are going to tackle a tough subject today.

Husbands submission to his wife. Yes, you read that right.

This is what scripture says.

“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:22-30‬ ‭ESV‬‬

I am not going to go over wives submission to her husbands, thats a whole other book. As a man I don’t feel I could add much to that because I am not in charge of my wife’s attitude. I can only be responsible for my own part. So thats where I will work in this article.

How does a man love his wife as christ loved the church? What does this actually look like in real everyday life?

How can we as men put things into a daily practice that shows your love for your wife? Ok wait, let me back up a bit. First off you need to know your wife. What is important to her, what or how does she see love? There are many books out that can help you do things like this. I’ll tell you know, not many men will read them. I have never understood this mentality in men, but hardly any will even look at these kind of books. I think I know why. They terrify them. Because to become truly loving in ways that your wife needs requires us to become very vulnerable with her. We as men hate… HATE to be vulnerable. We have been taught its weakness and leaves us open for hurt and abuse. We, as men, can overcome it. Proper submission to God and the things he teaches us in the Bible. That is where our relief and safety comes from, not our wives. The facts are we are not responsible for her happiness, we are not responsible for all of her needs. That is an impossible task. I am not trying to be rude to woman, I am saying that God is the only one that can be responsible for anyone’s needs. When we start putting all of your emotions and fulfillment in another person that person is 100% guaranteed to fail you. Its not cruel, its just a fact. Thats why in marriage forgiveness is one of the biggest things.

So I am going to challenge you men out there. What are you doing today to reflect Christ in your marriage?

Stop for a little bit and think about it, what act of service, what small gift, what word of affirmation, what kind of encouragement can you give today that will make a difference? Its easy to coast through our day and not think of ways we can be a blessing to your spouse. By asking yourself this question everyday you can drastically change your marriage. Guys, we have been called to lead, serve and to protect. Each one of those will look different to you and to your wife, but the weight is still there on our shoulders. Take the time to grow in each one. These are God given instructions for us as men. Part of them is giving of ourselves to our wives. Hold her hand, write her a note and put it on her steering wheel. Fold the clothes, clean something….. get out of your comfort zone and change your focus from self to her. For others its learning to lead, because to some it just doesn’t come naturally and thats ok, the best place for us as men to learn leadership and practice it is inside of our family. We as men all have different strengths and weaknesses. As men we need to learn to embrace our weaknesses. We are good and solid in our strengths usually so expand yourself as a Godly man and work on those weak places.

So, what can you do today to take your first step to a Godly marriage?

Don’t let the little things spoil, the good.

Many don’t understand this verse very well. It can’t be seen as its worded. Song of Solomon is full of description and symbolism.

The little foxes are the things that annoy us about our spouses. The slurp of a drink, chewing loudly, always putting socks on the floor, hair in the sink… you name it. There is an endless list of these things. We all have pet peeves and annoyances that can become big things if we are not careful. This is not how God called us to love and care for our spouses. Ask yourself just how important is this? Will it matter in 30 minutes? Will it make a difference one way or the other? I read an article about a wife that had lost her husband, she regretted each time she had nagged him about those stupid little things. She now looked back and wished she could see the socks on the floor or the pair of jeans that didn’t quit make it to the hamper. She longed to see the things that once annoyed her because now the man she loved and also annoyed her was gone. She now saw those little annoyances as things that she actually wanted again. She saw how stupidly simple and pointless they were. She encouraged others to let them go and not to focus on them because the day those were gone for good, you would regret it for the rest of your life.

The point that Solomon is making in this verse is that there will always be little foxes that spoil the vineyards. They don’t just go away. He says to catch them and do what? Stop them, keep them from further destruction.

So my question to you is this… How are you allowing the little foxes in your relationship? Are they becoming something bigger? Are they becoming at thing your holding onto.

“It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭21:9

The book of Proverbs even says how bad it can get if left to fester. Don’t get me wrong everyone should work to do better and curb bad habits. To have a heart for change, but the fact is there will always be something that annoys you about them.

We are just people that are different sexes and people, with different backgrounds and histories.

Again, where are you personally on this. Don’t point to your spouse and say you should be doing this or that. Go stand in front of a mirror and pray for God to give you some real change in your heart for your spouse. Stop focusing on the little foxes and look for the person they are in God’s eyes. The one you married and the one you love. Love is bigger than any sin, its bigger than any fight, its bigger than any fear or insecurity.

How are you in this area? You, the one reading this, stop looking at your wife or husband. I’m asking you, How are you doing here? Are you holding onto these little things and causing someone to feel better to sit on the corner of a house top and be happier there than inside at your side? If so you need to be rethinking your motives.

Evaluate your own actions and reactions and stop looking around at others. You can never really change someone else, Only they can do that with God’s help. So only you can change yourself also with God’s help and grace. Thats what we need more of in marriage these days, grace. Pray that God lets you take His grace with you to your spouse in all things.

Be who you needed

This is something that will really make you think.

When you were growing up what type of person do you wish had taken the time to speak some truth into your life?

Some of you may have had it, a dad/mom or relative or friend. Think back to a time in your life when having someone that was ahead of you in life that may have gone through the very thing you experiencing now. Imagine how that would have affected your life? Pretty interesting way to look at it huh.

Now imagine that you are brave enough to be that very person. To be that voice of truth or wisdom in some ones life? Far to often people keep their life lessons inside of themselves because they feel they don’t have the authority to speak that way to someone. Here is the deal. Don’t speak from on high to people, speak from at their side. Don’t talk at them, sit next to them and share your truth in a loving compassionate way.

Being that person you needed in your own life really opened my eyes to all the ways I have not been sharing my life with others, yes even my own son. I don’t know if it’s because we think people don’t care or wont get much from it? I am not really sure but what do you have to lose if you try? This especially speaks to me because my family has grown with many teen boys. It made me think of the voice I wish I had when I was their age. The things I could be sharing with them to help them grow into good men. Men always talk about wanting to leave a legacy… well guys…. here is your chance. There are countless young men out there that have no dad, or even your own kid that you have been afraid to speak to them this way. Don’t let that stop you. You have great potential that God gave you, so many life lessons that are meant to be shared and passed on. These young men need this kind of guidance more than ever.

So, I will leave you with the question. Are you ready to be the person that you needed when you were young?

Balance

The authentic man class I have been going to has really opened my eyes to a lot that has been missing. But I still get perplexed at times as to just what it looks like in real life. That is always the true challenge we face. As a man or even in our faith. We hear great sermons, we read great books but just what does it look like in my life? It can be frustrating especially when you think your doing something right and then you have either missed the mark in another or what your doing isn’t perceived like you thought. For a man trying to find his way it can be very confusing especially if he has not had some instruction in just what manhood looks like and what is expected.

Thats were we as todays men need to not only step up and find the balance of all the things we as men need to be doing, but be teaching it as we go. By balance I’m talking about the different parts of being a man, protector, provider, lover and friend.

Far to often we fall back on the ones that we are good at ie provider usually or the friend. We have all see the guy thats the workaholic, he has latched onto the provider and is not letting go because well….. he has that one down, he is good at it and he is staking his identity as a man on his job or career. The friend could be the guy that has embraced his friends and hobbies more than his wife and family. Balancing these things in the proper way is the difficult part for a man. One can even go over on lover by placing his wife too far up and is now above God and that he focuses on pleasing her more than anything else. Balance, is the key that we need to find and that is whats been hard. We as men want to do well. We want to succeed and its hard for us to hear the times that we dropped the ball. The truth is, we need to have some grace in those areas that we are working on. The ones we are new too or struggle with. Guys…. Don’t be afraid to reach for the areas of your life your not good at. Remember when you couldn’t skate on a skateboard or throw a baseball? You practiced and threw many in the dirt or fell off your board or bike. But you kept going until you got it. Learning to lead and to be a real man can be the same way. Don’t stop reaching for the balance of manly hood that we need more than anything.

Perfection not needed.

One of the biggest myths is that you have to have your life figured out before you can speak into others lives.

I have a few facts for you. No one ever has life figured out, no one ever has their faith all figured out. I watched an interview with Charles Stanley by his son Andy on His 85th birthday. He said his dad called him and said “I sure would like to find someone that is ahead of me so I could ask them some questions.” He chuckled and said “dad, I don’t think your going to find them.” It just proves the point that we never have this life figured out.

I know many men that feel like this. “How can I teach my son about manhood and leadership when I haven’t learned it myself?” Well if your willing and are honest with yourself and with them. You can be the example of redemption that he needs to see. Far to often we think we can’t show any insecurity or weakness to our kids, but I think we are giving them a huge disservice with this attitude. If we only show them the perfect example then they will take that with them and when they fall short (and they will) they think its too much and can give up. But if you show them you are not perfect and don’t always have stuff figured out but you don’t let that stop you, then your showing them a real vision of a Godly man that keeps going even in the face of a failure. Perfection is a myth, perfection is damaging to so many things in our lives. Don’t let it be the thing that molds your kids.

So how do you begin this journey if your kids 16, 17, 20? Simple…. start. Just start with honesty and how you wished you had been there in this way for them. But we have to start no matter how difficult it may seem. Its almost like our faith with Jesus. Does He call us to be perfect before we are saved? Does He call for us to wait and get our life in order before we come to Him? No way. We come dirty, messed up unorganized and sinful. Well, we can take that same example into our teaching of our young men. They need to see us leading, trying and growing. It paints a true picture for them to emulate. Coming to them with humility, honesty and a heart for redemption shows them such a true picture of a man.

Men, I am right there with you. It can be scary to take this role if you have never had the example in your life. We can be very unsure of ourselves. Ladies help your husbands here, he needs your encouragement, he needs to know your not poking at his weak spots and pointing them out. He needs to know you believe in him and even if he makes a mistake that its ok and you still have respect for him. You play a much bigger role in this than you think. You have no idea the level of confidence you can feed into your husband by the simple act of believing in him when he may not believe in himself. He needs your respect and your love. See him for the man God created him to be and allow God to work through you to help him get there.

Courage

One thing that keeps men from stepping out as leaders is fear. Many have tried a time or two and when not done perfectly they are criticized and picked apart. So they eventually say. ” Oh well it’s not worth it anymore.”

The very word courage has to have fear attached to it other wise it wouldn’t be a big deal to do something courageous.

Let me ask you a quick and simple question.

What is the most courageous thing you have done in your life?

In our minds you instantly think of the fireman running into a burning building or rescuing a person trapped in a car wreck or something of that nature. Don’t get me wrong those are very brace things and they took a lot of courage to do, but there are others that took just as much bravery.

Step out and start a business?

Talk to your spouse about a very sensitive subject. Or talk to your kids about boy girl relations. Stand up for something right at work that wasn’t popular but was morally right? Truly forgive someone or humbly give a true full hearted apology. All of these are very brave things.

One of the bravest things as a man is to stand up as a leader in your family. One that your kids respect and look up too. It’s a place that literally makes you an easy target for anything that might go wrong and makes you the focus when things go south. But you know what? Thats exactly what God has called us as men to do.

Yup you lead and you take responsibility for the good and the bad. You take the hit for your wife and your family. You don’t pass blame on. You accept it and learn and go on leading.

As I type these words I think to myself. Wow I sure can type a great story but in my heart I know I have not always stepped up and taken that mantle. I’m working on it and by reading and typing out my thoughts I see many places I need to improve. For my kids, my step kids and my wife. But just because I maybe behind in this game, doesn’t mean I am out of the fight. No way, Gods told me to get off the bench and play. I don’t expect to do it perfectly I really expect to fail a few times. And you know what…. that’s ok.

I challenge you to look at your life and see where you might step up in an area of leadership that might terrify you.

As a man I challenge you also to type in the comments what your bravest or most courageous thing you have done in your life .If we get this going I may post mine. 😊

Reaching for manhood

This is one thing I think we as a society have gotten wrong.

We raise kids that end up hanging onto their childhood and not wanting to let it go to embrace responsibility and move on into manhood.

So how do we go about changing this current attitude? We as the adults take a stand to define what manhood looks like and encourage our young boys that manhood is something to look forward too. We talk of things men do, how they treat others especially their wives and those less fortunate. We teach them to be honorable, trustworthy and a person worthy of respect, not because it’s demanded but because it’s earned because of his quality of character.

Teaching our young men what makes a man is something vital, but our society has left our young men confused and lost when it comes to growing into a man. In the book “Raising a modern-day knight” by Robert Lewis, he talks about the things that make a man. This is from the book. “A man is someone who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects a greater reward.” Wow talk about clearly defining it.

We as fathers need to encourage our sons to act and emulate those values, but first, we as men ourselves need to be those things. Remember it’s never too late to start. You are never out of the game as a dad.

It is no small task, but one we have to do, because our young men and their future wives and family are depending on it.

I myself have seen the need to step it up. Passivity had crept in and it was a hard thing to have to admit. So many things can be a barrier to a man in this area, fear of so many things. What will my son think, will he think it’s just stupid? No one talks like this anymore and peer pressure can put a weight on you also.

Don’t let it stop you. God has commanded us a man to lead and to teach our young men how to grow into honorable, respectable, honest and godly men.

Start where ever you are talk it over with them and don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone. Do this trusting God. Be expecting a great reward for your work because it is an honorable thing you will be doing. One that pays off for generations.

We teach our boys to reach for the things of good godly manhood and you will raise young men that stand out and can leave a legacy.

Part 5 The need to be men.

Part 5
The need to be men

There has been a move in society to strip men of their masculinity. To domesticate them to some extent. Look at the TV shows and sitcoms. All portray the man in the home as an idiot, that can’t do anything with out his wife. As a knuckle dragging cave man type that can’t express his emotions and is unable to change in any way.
I will say that there are bits of truth in some of those. But that’s no reason to make us feel bad for being men.
Can we as men do better in relating to our wives? Sure, just as she can do the same for us. There is always room for improvement.
All that said, men need to be free to be men. When I say that I don’t mean it as the dominate, mean, caveman. I’m talking about being with their buddies and spending time doing manly things. Hunting fishing, watching sports, shooting or what ever it might be. He needs that time away just like his wife does with her “girl time”
The biggest threat I have seen is that the push has been for men to become more like women. To be emotional and to be like her girl friends…. I get it but he will never ever be that for her. Can he open up more and get in touch with his emotions, yes and he does need to but it will never be like your best girl friend. He will never read all of your none verbals like other women are able to do. He is a man, let him be one. Things that are important to you are probably not a priority to him. Not that they can’t be but he will be doing them for you and not because he all of a sudden puts the same importance his wife does. Examples are, getting the right brand of butter, the right toilet paper or the right kind of cheese. All are not a high priority to him. Can he learn which ones need to be bought? Sure he can, but I would make a specific list and the reason is if your expecting him to buy a certain kind of butter, but all you wrote was butter on the list then chances are it wont be the same. If your expecting a certain thing, speak it out loud or write it down. That’s one of mens biggest issues with their wives. We don’t read your none verbal as well as you want us too. We can do better and get more tuned in but if you want it known, you better speak it or write it down.
Basically Let him be a man, he is going to do manly things that you might find uncouth. He is going to wear clothes that may not measure up to your ideas. You know why? Because to him the clothes are not as important as the time spent with you. It is not that he doesn’t care about his clothes but he values the time spent with you much more than what he is wearing. So help him out in a kind loving way, don’t make him feel like a failure, because after all he is actually valuing your presence more than his clothes.
Another thing. He would love to include you in on one of his hobbies. BUT!!!! Yeah theres a but. Don’t take it over. If it is a activity he usually does with his buddies, let him have that time. Don’t move in and insert yourself into that activity. He does want you to be included but not to take it over. I know many guys that were really excited that their wives went hunting with them, but when she kept going, it because a burden. Let him have his guy things. Ask to see it or experience it but keep your distance and make sure to allow it to be a buddy activity.

Guys…. We can be men and still be civil and respectful and loving husbands. We can learn about our emotions and learn to read her none verbal. We can do better as men, leaders and husbands. But please don’t try to be like her best friend. You are a man and that’s ok.