If we continue believing that we as men don’t have to engage in our relationships just because we are not comfortable then we have a serious problem, and I will tell you know. We have a serious problem.
I know the facts. I see it on my Facebook page, I see it by who follows my blog. The vast majority are women. I know I have many men that read but are just trolls and stay silent never any input. Silence is killing us guys. This attitude of refusing the reach for our wives in new ways, reluctance to read books and learn new ways of understanding or communication. It’s down right appalling. Guys its not cowardly, its not weakness, you cant just ignore your marriage and expect it to be good. It will end and she will either leave you or she will distance herself from you and you will now just be roommates and you will never be close to her again.
I see it over and over on here. I can ask people for opinions or ask questions and I get women commenting or asking questions. I see 0. Yes a big fat ZERO number of men participating. Thats so disheartening. If you claim to be a Christian male yet refuse to make any effort to relate to your wife, have no desire for a better connection, you are not living out the husbands christian role. You my friend are failing. Yes you, if your marriage is meh, and you seem to be ok with that, you are the problem. Yes I’m sure there are things she does that are wrong, join the club, no one on this earth is perfect.
It’s time to put your big boy pants on and actually embrace the calling to be a man of God inside your marriage not just at church. It’s time to read, its time to listen, its time to watch. There are youtube videos, books and literally thousands of other media on marriage. Get up off your rear end and learn how to appreciate and love the woman you married. Guys its your duty, its your calling, you married her in front of God and its time you started doing your part.
So what does all of this mean, says the guy that is thinking ok smarty pants what can I do? I am going to give some resources for you, with links on amazon (no i don’t get any monetary gain from these links.) Im just tired of men failing… well not really failing but refusing to engage in these kinds of discussions.
Get to know her, ask her some personal questions if you need a refresher. Favorite color, Place to eat, flower. Then go deeper, what are her fears, worry’s, what causes her to feel loved and cared for? What is a source of joy in her life, what is something you do for her that she loves and finds endearing. Find her primary love languages and start learning to speak it. (Thats covered in a book I talk about below) You have to have a desire to fight for your wife and your marriage, to lover her for who she is, not who you might want her to be. Yeah yeah I hear it now. “But she doesn’t do this and this or that…”. You maybe right, but you are not responsible for her change, you can only change yourself and we are going to address that. You lead by example for her. You show her real change in yourself and she will follow suit.
First off You tube.
Look up Jimmy and Karen Evens Marriage Today (I put a link below) subscribe to their channel and start watching.
Also Bill and Pam Farrel. Authors of my fav book men are like waffles women are like spaghetti. They have many interviews on marriage and their books all good stuff
Guys, I will just be honest with you. We need to be stepping it up in the area of our connections with our wives. Many have dropped the ball thinking that everything is ok and living in the routine. Well marriage will have its routines yes, but a great marriage will not stay in the routine. It takes a willingness on both people to get out of that and reach for more. Ask any marriage counselor and see who is usually the one that comes to them first? Usually the wives I would bet 10 to 1 if not more. They come dragging their husband and usually he will be very unhappy about it, if he even comes at all.
The Bible tells us that we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Are you doing that? Are you at least trying? I know at times you might have tried and got stuff wrong and felt like a failure but don’t let that stop you. Keep trying ask questions, make the effort.
Here is the biggest piece of advise I can give you. Read and watch and listen for yourself, not for her. look for ways you can improve, look for yourself in the books, things you can do differently to be a better husband and let her worry about what her responsibilities are and how she can improve on her end. God spoke to her also about how she is to be a wife too her husband. We both have a set of instructions that battle against the natural selfishness and controlling needs we feel and try to justify.
Lets turn the corner men. Show them we are not just empty cavemen, but that we have feelings, emotions and that its ok. Don’t be afraid to engage your wife, chances are she has been waiting a long time for it.