I am tired.
I’m tired of talking to a stump. I have really had it on my heart to be a voice to men about relearning how to approach a relationship, what our responsibilities are and how to follow through. Do you know what I hear the most. I hear from men that are in the midst of a divorce, asking me why, why didn’t someone teach me this stuff before.
Here is what happens. A man gets married, he loves his wife (I’m referring to the majority of relationships not the abusive ones) they start off great. Soon he gets his career going and supporting his growing family. Before long he is neck deep in work, thinking he is doing what he needs to support his family. But he never notices his wife that is slowly drifting away from him. Then one day she hits a limit and she is gone. I have seen this repeated many many times. I have personally talked to men asking my when I show them some of the articles I read or have written. They ask me… Why why didn’t someone teach me this stuff when I was younger… If you want my 100% honest answer get ready…
Men your pride, ego and false sense of priority are killing your relationships. Here is what I mean. If you have followed any of my blog, you will know I talk about a book called Men are like waffles women are like spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel. Great book by the way. It’s about men liking to have things in a box, just like looking at the top of a waffle. Every thing has its place and none touch. We get one out we talk about it we look it over we put it up and pull out the next one. But what happens when we start to deal with women in our lives, we begin pulling out boxes that we have never touched before, we are not comfortable with them and some will even avoid all together. These are usually labeled emotions. They are not logical and we don’t have a system in our brains for processing them very well. So what do most men do when faced with something we are not familiar with or makes us very uncomfortable? We put that box away and immediately go pull out a box we are great at (work) We can bury ourselves in work to avoid the stuff we don’t like. Not only that but we can justify it because we say we are taking care of our family. When in reality we are being a big coward because we’re afraid of the emotions your wife might be wanting to share.
Guys it’s up to you. She can not make you engage her on that emotional level. Is it scary? Oh yeah, it sure can be. Does it make you feel like you’re a failure? You bet it can. We are not naturally good at expressing those emotions and can even get frustrated when we try and just can’t find words for what we are feeling. Ladies please be understanding, this is the equivalent of him asking you to come tear the car motor apart or try to understand why he likes to have a nothing box were he can sit and not think of anything. He will need your support because, trust me this is stretching him to new areas and opening boxes that he buried long ago. Bring some grace into the relationship and be encouraging.
Men, you have to get out of the boxes that end up trapping your marriage into a rut of no emotions or feelings. You are the leader of the family. That doesn’t mean you always get your way or that you’re the master of your domain. No it means you’re the one to take the hit, to make things right. You take responsibility for failing when its time. You don’t point fingers you don’t blame. You man up and take some personal responsibility!!
Back to the first thing I said.. MEN!!!!!! Start listening, reading and soaking up these lessons before its to late. You don’t want to be in that position of thinking what the heck happened? What did I do wrong?? Drop your ego and pride and dig in. Fight for your marriage with a tenacity that your wife is needing NOW not when it’s on the verge of destruction. I’m tired of having to post these articles, I’m tired of hardly any men listening until it’s too late. Guys get over yourself now while you can. It’s not as hard as it seems. She is your wife, not a stranger, open up to her about all the things on your heart. Yes this can be an eye opener. But do it with an open heart in love not in anger. She maybe shocked about the things you mentally go through. The thoughts and worries you carry that she never knew about. I can tell you it will bring you closer and open up a new level of intimacy you haven’t experienced before. The reason why is that your wife sees these things as a strength where you see it as a weakness. It speaks to her heart. For you to share the inner most fears you face daily is basically opening your heart up to her trusting that she won’t use them against you. For men that’s a very hard thing to do. It’s hard to allow what we see as a weakness to get anywhere outside of our minds.
So in closing. Men please start sooner before its too late. Don’t let your pride keep you from opening up to your wife, it’s what she is wanting. She wants to know you on a level no one else does. Please do so before you let your work or career over take your marriage. Keep your priorities firm and never let anything over take her position. Respect her for the woman God created her to be.