What is it going to take for men to engage in their marriages?
I am seeing marriages and relationships end left and right and why?? Pride and selfishness.
Men I’m talking to you. Do you love your wife? Do you think she is great and amazing? TELL HER!!!! Guys, please please don’t wait until it’s to late for you to wake up and realize some things.
I’m going to make a short list of a few things that men need to wake up about.
1: Your job is not your priority… What I mean by that is, don’t work yourself into a divorce because when you put your career as number one it will be your only one at some point.
Yes we are called to provide and we pride ourselves on that, sometimes to a fault. Your wife needs to know she is more important than your job. Yes you may work long hours at times but when your home BE HOME!! Leave work at work and be a husband, be a dad. Prioritize your marriage. Don’t let work become everything for you. Learn to say no sometimes when it comes to work.
2: Telling your wife you love her just on birthdays and anniversaries doesn’t cut it. I remember a joke I heard. A wife was complaining to a counselor about how her husband doesn’t tell her he loves her. After 40 years of marriage the husband says. “I told you I loved you the day we got married. I’ll let you know if that ever changes!” We may laugh at that but it has a sad truth to it. Guys… Woman don’t think like we do. If you are going to lead your family, you are going to have to learn how she, not only communicates but what and how she needs to hear. You need to tune into her. It is far more than just words, it is in all of your actions and interactions with her through out your day. Most woman I have talked to about this, I see a common error we make as men. We go for the WOW factor. We plan big things to wow her. Well would you be surprised if she may not want the big things but a bunch of little things? A hand hold, an arm around her, a kiss on the forehead. Do you understand what this means? It means she is desiring a daily connection with you. Women are emotionally driven and we as men need to learn how they think and function… Well as best we can. Because honestly that’s alien to us but not impossible.
3: Stop ignoring her needs. Her needs are not trivial. They are not just emotional. You need to open your eyes and get up when you see her struggling. Many men see it, they see her tiredness, exhaustion and stress, but what they do is they rationalize it away. By that I mean that for a brief second they see it and think I could help….. But I worked all day. I did this and I did that. This is her thing not mine. This attitude will kill her heart, it will breed resentment and she will begin to seriously dislike you. The wedge has now been placed and the man very rarely even knows it
4: Communicate how she needs. The biggest thing we do as men that is wrong is fail to hear her heart. We may listen to her words but we fail to hear hear heart. We listen to fix and to give solutions to a problem. She may ask you later for your advice, but until she asks don’t offer. Face her look at her, turn off your phone, the tv and listen like your marriage depends on it because it may. Stop trying to fix the problems she has, empathize with her, hold her. I know it seems totally weird for us as men but it will open you up to a whole new level of intimacy between you both.
Ok so my question to all of you men right now….
What are you going to do?? It’s in your lap now. Are you going to keep working and ignore your wife and write it off as.. “Well I have to work so we can have nice things?” Because I’ll tell you she will sacrifice some of those nice things to have you home more.
Are you going to sit on the couch and ignore a tired wife that’s needing help around the house?
Are you going to keep your mouth shut about how much she means to you?
Because right now these attitudes are pretty prevalent and they are destroying marriages and relationships. Guys take your ego and pride and let it go. Because those are the thing that are holding you back. Ask yourself this. Why don’t you tell her how much she means to you?
Why don’t you get up and help? What conversation do you have in your head that keeps you from reaching out to her in the ways that she needs you to? If you don’t know how… Here is a interesting idea. Ask her. Sit her down and simply ask her how you can do better. I know shocker right? Simple but can be so hard when we are holding onto our pride.
True death to self must happen to have a marriage that not only survives but thrives in this world. Men get up and take charge of your marriage, be a servant to her and for goodness sake Love her the way she needs.