Men/Women. Are we truly opposites?

 

Are we really opposites?
Are we really opposites?

Men and Woman opposites or complementary?

We have all heard how God is so cruel because he made men and women almost opposites of each other right?

Let’s tackle that a little today.

When God created man he was sinless and perfect. But he was missing something. God saw that he needed a companion and helper. He took a rib from Adam and formed his perfect companion. At this time and the only time ever were man and woman perfect and truly complementary of each other.
Later when sin entered the arena it took minutes for that bond to fail. Adam immediately plays the first passive male and doesn’t stand up and stop Eve from eating the apple, then actually blames her for it and throws her under the bus to God when asked.

At that time the man/woman relationship takes a dive. Sin having entered into the relationship and tainted everything. Selfishness, pride, ego, arrogance all enter into the relationship now.

My point of this is to show that we as men and women were created to complement each other. Men tend to be strong, determined and focused. Usually logical and natural problem solver, dealing less on emotions and more on logic, with an ability to put things in a box and work in that box alone. Woman as a rule tend to be more emotional and everything thought is tied together, all linked by an unseen connection. Woman are the nurturing type filled with compassion and empathy. (these are big generalities here I know there are exceptions)

On the outside it looks like we couldn’t be more opposite right? Well you would be wrong. Look at how we were created at the beginning. Look if you will at your hands the fingers if touched tip to tip are counter to each other. But if fingers are interlaced they fit perfectly, weaved together tight and fitting very well.
Men and woman are much like this. That was how God created us to be and interact with each other. To compliment and add to each other.

I’m going to say something here that might raise some hairs 🙂 I really feel most men are capable of emotions and even expressing them, but I also know men can separate them. Here is the reason. A woman can say things in an emotional state that might not be something she would want to say if she wasn’t in that state. There are times men do the same in anger but either way things get said and feelings get hurt. I believe men are created to absorb these emotional blows with out it effecting our true feelings for her. God made us this way because he knew we would be working closely with an emotionally focused woman. Most men not all, can literally take a beating from a woman when she is emotional (he may get mad but he will love her still) and not have it effect his love for her. Ladies take a moment to remember an emotional outburst at your husband or boyfriend. If you had made that same outburst at another woman how would it effect the relationship?

Men are made to separate things in their lives. We call it compartmentalization. Women don’t understand this because theirs is usually all connected some how..

If we were able to take out the sin natures we picked up from Adam and Eve, remove the pride, selfishness, arrogance… Etc. . How would we respond to each other as man and woman? We would be like 2 hands holding each other. Tightly interlocked and fitting perfectly together.

So what can you learn from this article today? Strive to remove the pride and areas that make you think you are at opposition with each other. Look through her eyes to see her motives, her heart and her emotions. Looking for your partners perspective is one of the most freeing and liberating thing in a relationship that you can do and when you have two good willed people doing the same thing. Well Gods light shines out from that relationship like few around. We have all see the couple out….. They have it a light a spark a….. Something, something very special. You just know they love each other. They have learned to love selflessly. To see through the junk the other may bring through those selfish times, through the prideful moments he might have, or her emotional outburst. We can see what’s behind them we see the hurt or pain behind it. When we look what’s the cause we keep the love switch turned on.

When we strive for selfless love we find greatness only God can bring. The reason is we can’t do this kind of love on our own. We must have God there giving us the example. We must have him and his son as our example of love each day, to carry us passed hurt feelings and anger from an argument. To keep love at the forefront reaffirming it through those hard times.

I hope I made an impact on how we see the difference of men and women today, we are totally different but in a way that’s like 2 lovers hands, fingers intwined fitting perfectly together.
It is something we must always look to do and strive to either do or make corrections when we fail. Love through it all, never turn that switch off or you threaten to destroy it all. And giving God the proper glory for it.

Loving a woman that has been abused.

Learning to love someone that has been abused.
Learning to love someone that has been abused.

 

How to love a woman that comes from an abusive past.

I’ll say this first and fore most. These will not always fit and every person is different, some may apply some may not. But I do know that when you love a woman that has been abused it changes how you need to approach her and the need to look through her eyes at situations is a vital practice.

This is something I think a lot of guys need to learn about and understand. When approaching a women that has been the victim of any form of abuse, it going to be difficult for her to trust you. Period!!! It’s nothing personal. But to her, men as a whole are not to be trusted. It’s your job to show her that not every guy is an abuser and that some are worth having around. But the more you try to “win” her trust the harder you will fail. You know why? Because the guy that abused her did the same thing. So how do you deal with this situation? Here are a few things that when done with a good clean heart might make a difference in her life and yours.

1: Be yourself. Don’t put on a mask, don’t try to be the perfect guy, because honestly she can see through that. If your not an honest good willed guy, your not going to make it and even some of the good guys won’t make it either.

2: Look through her eyes. Try to gain her perspective on things. She sees things differently than you because she is a woman, but she also sees things differently because of the abuse. The real issue is that your trying. You may never come to a true understanding but you will gain the ability to have empathy for her and her past. By being willing to adapt to a change in her is a vital key to helping her feel safe.

3: Be a protector: She needs to know you are her wall, her barrier between any thing that wants to hurt her. It’s not a macho thing it’s a loving act of protection. Bottom line is she has to feel safe which leads to my next one

4: Safety: She has to feel like you are a safe place. But what does that mean? It means you make a none judgmental, truth filled loving place for her to retreat to. You don’t have to understand the reasons for a break down, or what triggered it, you just have to be there. Guys this is not the time to play fix it. Let it go and just be something solid in her world. It means far more than you know.

5: Be loving: This may sound silly but far to many men don’t know how to be free with their emotions and a woman that’s been hurt from abuse needs it more than you realize. You can’t let any doubt creep in her head that makes her ask the question. “Does he still love me?” Most women ask that question daily anyway but when a woman has been abused it means much more.

6: Be honest: She needs truth in her life and she needs it in spades. She has been lied to and false things said about her to make her feel like less so someone could keep control of her.
Learning to always speak truth but doing it from a stand point of love is vital.

7: She has to trust you: This does not come over night. It comes from your consistent giving of yourself in an honest loving way. No mask, no false crap, just be you. Women that have been through the ringer can pick up on those masks and will be gone before you realize what’s happened. So to build that trust you have got to be real and have got to be yourself, Don’t try to be something your not. Be real.

8: Patience: This is probably one of the most important of all. Always understand it may take her a little longer to get where you are, never try to rush her through something because she will pull away from you. Give her the time she needs, love her through it but give her the space and time she needs, not what you think she needs. Don’t be afraid to ask, anytime you can open up some communication about how to better understand her is a good thing.

9: Never belittle her fears: Even if you think she has no reason to be afraid you don’t know what she has lived with. If you try and play her fears off as nothing to worry about or an over reaction you have lost her trust almost instantly. No matter how much you know you still do not understand her fears. They may seem out of whack to you but you have not had to live with an abuser. Someone that could win an academy award for best husband from friends and neighbors but in the house is a tyrant. She has been belittled enough from him and will not stand for her feelings and fears be taken with a grain of sand. These are real and they are important to her and should be to you too.

One of the big things to remember is that what she lived through was and is real. Regardless if the abuser is still around or not. The fears still will surface and they are very real. Understanding what she had to deal with is something anyone around her needs to do but especially someone that loves her.

The bottom line for this is to always have a desire to understand, you may not always, but if you keep at it, she will see it in you. Learning how to talk to her and how to speak to her that is full of respect and honoring her as a woman will mean a lot. It’s really up to you to learn what it is she will need. Every woman is different and have been through and see things differently so there is no end-all-be- all instruction manual to follow step by step. Your going to have to put in the work and time to really dig in and see how she has been abused and if and when she decides to open up about it, you had better be ready to hear it and be in a place that provides a safe haven for her to be emotional, to bring up those old pains. If she is doing that with you then you have more than likely earned her trust. So now you have to honor that and never violate it. It’s no easy job to love someone that has been abused. But it is worth it, because if you can be that guy that is understanding and loving and is her safe and solid place in a world of chaos. She will love you like no one else. Because she knows what it’s like to not have that. So don’t toy with her feelings. Go into every situation reminding yourself of these things… Respect and honor her at all costs to yourself. Love her and never stop showing it, always approach her with the attitude and desire to understand her.
She will see it and feel it and deep down she needs it to heal a broken past.