7 Things your man needs or wants but might not mention

Things he needs
Things he needs

7 Things your man needs or wants but might not mention.
Ok I don’t want to fool people into thinking these are a deep secret into a man’s life, that will change everything. No, but there are many things most men don’t even realize about themselves, or don’t know how to communicate them to the women in their lives.

Bottom line is men are not the best communicators. We tend to not get in touch with our emotions and we think pretty much in a straight line. You give us a problem and we come up with a solution. That’s just how we think. When things get into the area that is gray and there are a lot of variables we sometimes shy away because… Well honestly we can’t figure out things because they don’t make sense to us. Emotions are not a constant and we like consistency. Because we know what to expect.

All that being said. I’ll start with what he needs.

1) He needs to know that you believe in him.
This is one of those places where a good solid women in a man’s life can really change him for the better. We may come off confident and solid in who we are, but there is a little boy in there many times, that is afraid to show you that he isn’t as confident as he appears. He is afraid you won’t like what you see and will either leave or think less of him.

2) He needs to know that you are attracted to him.
It means so much for a man to know his girl looks at him and is strongly attracted to him and not only that but she isn’t afraid to show it or say it.

3) We need to feel like you need us. I know that sounds kind of codependent, but there is this thing in most men, it’s a feeling of protection and provision. Not that you are helpless but that you need him in your life, not just to open jars or tear apart the vacuum when it gets stopped up but emotionally. For him to know that he is your safe place, that a nice long hug from him can change your mood and day is something most guys won’t talk about but it’s a feeling I really can’t seem to put to words. It’s not a power thing, it’s not a totally dependent thing. It’s just knowing that his presence makes a difference in your life. Let him know how his presence makes you feel. He needs to hear it some times.

4) We want you to enjoy some of the things we enjoy. In the book Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti, Bill and Pam Farrel talk about side time. This is a place guys like but can’t explain. I’ll give it a try with an example from an interview I heard from the husband wife team. A woman had read about this and thought she would try it to get closer to her husband. He loved working on cars. So she went into the garage while he was there working and took a notebook. As he was working he would talk about parts and how this worked and that worked. And she took notes and asked questions, then there were times nothing was said but he would look over and grin at her. After a while he just stopped and asked her why she was taking this time and that no one had done this before. She just said she wanted to understand it and why he liked doing it so much. He crawled out from under the car and sat next to her and hugged her. She explained that after that he started to open up about other things in his life he had never talked about before.
I’m not saying this will be the cure all to make your man open up but we as men value
that time even if you are not actively involved or talking. That’s why it’s called side time.
Sometimes words are not even spoke, but he likes you being there.

5) Here is a deep one that you need to understand. Most men do not talk to their best guy friends like you talk to your best girl friends. We don’t talk about deep intimate emotional things with our friends. We tease, we kid we joke and are sarcastic with each other. This is how men bond with each other. But we do not do it the way women do. We share experiences, stories from our past, funny adventures. So what I am getting at is this. If your man has opened up to you about deep things in his life. Value that, because you are more than likely the only one he has ever told these things too. So when he says you are his best friend he means it. When it risks his pride or ego and open up to you about things that are vulnerable to him, realize that and don’t criticize him or tell him how he has done wrong. That is what he is expecting actually. If you do you risk him never opening up to you again. Realize what is happening when he talks to his BFF (you) you are the only one in his life, more than likely, he has done that with.
6) Here is the biggie I’m sure you have been waiting for. Sex. Yes it’s on our mind a lot but it’s more than just the act. People say men don’t need that emotional connection like women do but that’s just the current society speaking. When that emotional connection is made and you add sex on top of it is like a drug. Which is why sex before marriage can cause you more problems than realized and studies are starting to figure that out.
But the thing about sex you need to realize is that it’s the one thing only you can give him. By that I mean (he can cheat but in a good marriage)with a faithful guy, you are the only one that can fill that need. Also most guys I’m sure not all, he needs to know your into it. If you are just “doing your duty” he can tell and turns it into a pure sexual thing and leaves the emotions out of it. We can do that but it loses so much. I am not saying you need to give it up anytime he wants. He should respect you and the times you can’t or should just wait for a better time. Just as time she may not feel like it but knowing all of this about him will say ok I can do this. This is an area where mutual respect and honoring each other is really important, lots of understanding of what’s important to the other is key to lessening the frustrations some times. Bottom line, be honest and understanding on both sides.
It is also a huge stress reliever for him and part of it goes back to Number 2. When you are attracted to him and have that sexual desire for him you are allowing him to feel like a man. I know that sounds kind of caveman like but it’s true. Also most guys want to know you are enjoying it, that they are doing well. I don’t mean fake it, I mean speak to us, tell us or show us what you like or don’t like, don’t be embarrassed, just help guide us along because honestly if we can figure out how to please you every time first, you both benefit from it. Just be honest and open about sex and what works what doesn’t and what your willing to try. It’s your husband, why keep those things from him.
7) When he tells you that you are beautiful, believe him. Trust me when a man has connected to you in that emotional way. He sees a version of you that you may not see yourself. When you talk yourself down in front of him you are telling him that he can’t make good decisions. Why is that you ask? Because you are one of his biggest decisions. So if he takes the time to complement you on something believe him and do not just blow it off as him trying to make you feel good. If he has that look in his eyes of love and compassion mixed with the “ Oh my is she hot.” Look. Trust me he thinks your beautiful. No matter what you think about yourself, just know that he thinks you are. So believe him.

In the end we are much more complicated than we ever let on. There are many emotional sides to men that we don’t even realize at time. But having that desire to connect with him to fill his needs is something that needs done just as he needs to always be looking to meet hers. But I will say this. The desire to meet someones needs doesn’t mean we can possible meet them all. Realizing that we will fail both men and women, helps stop some of those missed expectations. There is no way one person can meet all of someone’s needs all the time. Understanding that up front can help a lot of hurt feelings later on.

Faith in the little things.

 

Little things done well make up the big things.
Little things done well make up the big things.

 

Zechariah‬ ‭4:10‬ ‬‬
“Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin, to see the plumb line in Zerubbabel’s hand.”
Why is this such an important verse for us to take a look at?
Our world is made of small decisions each day. Many of these small decisions are just the beginnings of big things that we can’t even see yet. To me this means that God knows the first small steps we take are the launching pad for great things. He knows that usually those small decisions are the hardest for us to make. That the first decision to move is usually the most difficult for us. But why is that? Why is that decision so hard for us to make at times? Fear. But fear of what? From my experience in life and as a coach there are many types of fear but the biggest I see over and over that is linked back to most of the core of our fear is the unknown. Fear that something won’t work out, that this decision is a bad one that will lead to something bad or cause us to fail or hardship.

Luke 16:10
10 “If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.

The beginnings are our testing ground. The very proof of our faith in God is in our decision to act. We can think about it, we can talk about it, but faith without action behind it is void of any thing solid. We know God is faithful to us on a level that we can’t even comprehend, but are we showing our faith to him in our actions in all of our lives? These times in life are the times we are to trust him and act in faith. These small decisions we must make to begin the greater things God wants us and needs us to face. Not making a decision because your fearful is in fact making a decision. You are choosing fear over faith. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are times God wants us to wait on something, but I have a feeling most people use that as an excuse to not move when they are fearful. I have heard the term “I want God’s peace about this decision.” I believe there is validity that but I think it works backwards to what most people think. I believe God is calling us out, before that peace comes. I think many times we have to make the decision (using good solid biblical filters) and then we find God’s peace about it. I am not a theologian or a biblical scholar and I will never say I have all of this figured out. But I really believe a lot of people are missing out on God’s blessings because they are hanging onto a part of their past which makes them not believe they are worth anything to God. That can’t be farther from the truth. Let go of the past and allow God to handle that load. It’s gone and done no matter what it is or was. He loves you and has great things in store for you. So be brave and take those small steps of faith in new decisions you must make. It will pay off in the long run and show God your faithfulness to him. 🙂 It’s the least we can do.

5 things needed to plan a special date for her.

Planning is the key. It doesn't have to be huge or extravagant, just from the heart.
Planning is the key. It doesn’t have to be huge or extravagant, just from the heart.

What is one of the biggest complaints about men in relationships?

Whoa whoa ladies. Just one please haha seriously, the one thing I think men could improve on big time is in planning. So here are a few ways we as men can step back up to the plate again.

1) Invest in her…. That may sound simple but to begin this process you have got to learn to understand how she thinks and feels about things. Learn her habits, things she likes to do, places she likes to go, favorite colors or flowers. She will give you clues everyday to little things she likes or would like to share with you. Pay attention. Take notes if you have to.
2) Plan ahead….. Don’t just fly by the seat of your pants on a date night. Sometimes spontaneous stuff is great, but she will love to know you put some thought into the night and have it all planned out ahead of time.. Guys this shows you care, that she is important to you and that you took a good amount of time to plan it out. That in and of itself means a lot to her.
3) Look around the house. Is there a mountain of laundry? Are there a few items that need done so she isn’t thinking about the never ending list of house chores to do that could pull away from the night? If so here is a interesting idea… DO THEM!!! Jump in and get them off her plate.

4) Guys!!!! Don’t go huge on this…. Grand gestures are great but that’s not what she is expecting every time. To have a night planned means this… Baby sitter already scheduled by you not her, clearing of schedules to dedicate to the date. 2-3 things planned for the evening or day for that matter. Dinner, movie, event. This is where you fall back on the things you were paying attention to earlier. Find the things and places she likes. It could be shopping at a place you would never go with her. It could be a restaurant she loves but you may never have wanted to go, it could be hitting the flea markets who knows…. One of my favorite ones I did was a trip to the gun range. Yup she loves to shoot and we had a literal blast. Be creative.

5) I can’t stress this one enough. Guys end the date with NO expectations. Your not doing this just to get some…. There can be no other motivation for doing all of this. Do it with a open heart satisfied that you just gave a special night to the one woman that you love in this whole world.

All that being said, guys it’s not that hard. How hard do you organize or plan a hunting/fishing trip or time with buddies. Use that same motivation to put that spark back in her eye for you. Don’t just expect her to know you love and care for her she has got to feel it other wise she will start to wonder. Remember she doesn’t see things how you do. She is worthy of being pampered and treated like she is special. Invest back into this wonderful woman you love. When you take this kind of attitude instead of sitting on the couch complaining all the time, you start to build compound interest in your relationship. When you start to keep score of the good things done it becomes an ongoing score board in a good way. Remember guys don’t fall for the overly grand gesture. Keep it fairly simple and find those things that are close to her heart and show her that you pay attention.