In the past few months since I have started coaching people in various places in their life. I have found a common theme. Single women in there 35+ years desperate to find their Mr. right. The One, and are so frustrated with bad dates, ugly situations and are totally frustrated.
There are a few categories of people (men and women) in the singles arena.
The independent. They have it together and don’t need anyone else. Which is ok unless your sending that vibe with some attitude of “ I don’t need a man” well that’s what you will get if that’s the case. No one wants someone that doesn’t want them.
The Lover. This person falls in love with in minutes of the first date. Its posted all over Facebook and ends up being just one in a long list of failed relationships. Over eager isn’t becoming and usually pushes people away. You can be eager and at the same time keep it contained. Infatuation is a dangerous thing, it disguises itself as love all wrapped up in a pretty package of emotions and feelings. Real love is deeper than that and is lasting. Infatuation is short lived and will usually fade with time apart. Love on the other hand lasts over time and even when your partner isn’t nice. You can honestly say. I don’t like you right now but I do love you. Infatuation should never be confused with real deep love.
The bitter past. This person has been hurt at sometime or another and places that blame on every man or woman that lives. This is a recipe for a never ending cycle of short relationships that never end well. They usually end up saying things like “Your just like all men/women.” Because whats happening is that same old hurt is being placed out front on each new person guilty or not. Remember every man didn’t hurt you so stop blaming and acting like they have. Every one is not the same.
There are more I am sure, these are just a few off the top of my head. So what are you to do? That is the ultimate $10,000 questions isn’t it.
Turn your eyes internally, Instead of focusing on finding Mr/Mrs right become that person. Dig into all of your hurts, your past, your insecurities….. find out what makes you tick first. What are your triggers in life. What triggers the fears the insecurities. You will never be a good mate unless they are all dealt with. When you find who you really are in this world and uncover those deep seated things that molded your attitude from your past, that is when you really become a person ready for someone else to enjoy.
I wrote an post about this before. Here is a novel idea. Start honoring her/him even though you haven’t met yet. You’re thinking ???? What the heck are you talking about? Right?
As a man do you gawk at pretty women? Do you cat call them? When you go out on a date do you treat her with respect? Are you a gentleman? Even if you are just out for fun and company.
What I am saying is this. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to your future wife. Does that make sense? If you take this attitude toward it, you will automatically begin to prepare yourself for her. You are becoming the person you are looking for…. Get it now? If you started asking questions of your wife would you want to hear a long list of shady and unwise decisions? I am not saying your judging someone by their past because we all go through life imperfectly and mess things up and make bad decisions but imagine if you could give her the gift of your character, even in your past, even when you didn’t know her… you have no idea the gift it would be for her to experience that.
So to sum up. Pull out that mirror and take a deep honest look into the things that make you who you are. Its scary and most people don’t even want to try it but its worth the time and effort to understand and invest that time back into yourself. Pray about it and be specific in your prayers. Be bold and ask God to show you areas that need work and how to go about it.
Time spent investing in your own well being is never time wasted. Hope this help someone out there.