*****SPOILER if you haven’t seen the third Hobbit movie.***
“Farewell master burglar. Go back to your books and your arm chair.
Plant your trees, watch them grow. If more people valued home above gold this world would be a merry place.”
Spoken by Thorin Oakenshield to Bilbo Baggins on his death bed, in the third movie of the Hobbit series.
One of the best lines in any movie.
This movie have more valuable lessons about life in general than most. When you get past the fantasy, the CGI and the mythic feel. The message it sends is one I wish more people got. Family and friends over money, honoring your word. The power that money and greed can have over a person if you let it.
Love is real no matter what others think or how they judge it.
That even our good friends can hurt our feelings but that true forgiveness from a real friend is grace given when not deserved.
Many christians don’t like these movies because of magic and all that. To me its just a spectacular story told in a grand way. No different than any other fictional story. By turning their nose up at a movie like this is sad. There is so much to be gained just from the story of good vs evil that can be applied to our lives today. To spread goodness and kindness across this world we live in.
We hear things like, nothing good happens in your comfort zone all the time. I worry that we are becoming deadened to the true meaning of the motivation we see. I remember watching the TV show the Big Bang Theory and Sheldon Cooper, when told he needs to get outside his comfort zone a little, His response was a classic many of us truly feel. “ Why would we do that, it’s named that for a reason.”
It just shows us that doing anything outside of our normal can be seen as many things scary, exciting and stress filled sometimes all at the same times. Our minds can lead us to truly odd places. Many times even totally irrational ones. It can make us believe that there can be nothing more scary than taking the step it takes to start something new. The real question is this… What can we do to change it and take those steps despite the fears we feel. Well if you read your bible God speaks of fear over 300 times and being courageous in the face of it.
I can speak only from a mans point of view and I can tell you every man wants to be brave and stand up and lead those around him. The fact is most do not. Many are comfortable sitting back in relative ease watching and complain about those around them that succeed. They come up with all kinds of reasons why they can’t instead of focusing on the reasons they can. I know I have lived that life for far too long. These last 4 years I have been determined to overcome those fears and start reaching out and trying new and different things. The biggest area I have struggled with has been career based. I have known I am not doing and or utilizing all of my God given abilities in the job I have had for 16 years. I still struggle I still fall back and second guess myself. I will be honest with you. There are times I look at my job and the desire to do better and I feel this overwhelming feeling of it just can’t happen for me. There is not a time in my life that I dislike myself more than those moments. It’s when you know you are better than how you feel, you know you are capable of so much more. I tell you right now for me it was opening up my heart and trying my best to give my worries to God about all of it. The reason is because almost none of it is anything I can do a darn thing about. In my new Endeavor I see what I am good at. I see how God can use this ability to not only help me but I can help others become all they are supposed to be. It all changed with one conversation with a good friend about our definition of success. Before I had a chance to think about it these words came out of my mouth. “ For me its about helping others reach their goals and seeing them be more than they ever thought they could be before.” It was like a light bulb moment when you hit on something that God has been trying to show you for years and you finally are in a place to see it in the right light.
So what does it truly take to be brave and step up? To look past the fears in your life that have held you back for most of it. Well to be honest, it’s you. It’s those misbeliefs you let roll around in your head that limit anything you think you can do. We have to do the work to figure out what is really holding us back from all the things good in our life. Usually that means looking in the mirror and asking yourself why, way more than you normally want to. Why do you react to things the way you do? What is behind those feelings? Where in your past have you felt them before? All of this is key to discovering things you might not see or even realize you do or say.
Remember how you speak to yourself in your head will dictate how you act. You are limiting yourself before you ever even have a chance to do anything about it. Its going to take some work and the kind that does not come natural. Its going to take moving into your fear a little, admitting that you can not control everything. That the biggest fear you feel might not even be a reality. Start then to look the other direction, What will happen if I don’t do this. Will I regret not trying? Will I be 10 years down the road thinking man I wish I had done that.
Ok think about all the ideas you had about some product only to find out someone else thought it and acted and invented it way after you had the idea? It has happened to all of us.
Are you tired of your fears dictating your decisions in life? I know I am. I also know it is an ongoing struggle that will not just go away. I have talked to many successful people, that I would have assumed would be past all of that, but I was wrong they still deal with some of those same feelings. So that tells me I better get used to this struggle and never think I have it under control. To always be on the look out for the reactions that take us from a door we are meant to open but are afraid.
In the future instead of thinking of all the bad that can happen, because the way our minds work that list can be never ending. Instead think about what would happen if it worked or was successful. Make your plans around that instead of the fearful stuff.
Don’t settle for being trapped of guided by your fears. You are bigger and better and more capable than you ever thought possible.
We tend to forget that Love is not something that is served to us. Now it can be, but love is true only when given with no expectations. Many times when we love someone they will say or do things that hurt us, many times unintentional but it still hurts none the less. Times like that is where true love shines. Because it is a choice. You could choose too retaliate you could choose to withdraw. But when you love someone especially as a man. It is up to us to step up and be that man she needs. When she is unlovable the last thing she needs is a man that reacts instead of reaching with love and kindness. Guys….. this is probably one of the hardest lessons to learn and it comes from God to us as men. When he said the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. What do you think that means? It means you, if need be you will lay your life down for her. Ladies I can tell you what keeps most men (that have a good heart) from reacting instead of reaching. We are afraid. We are afraid of getting abused, taken for granted and not appreciated for our efforts. Many will even fall into the reaction of.. “well if I do all this why isn’t she doing what she is supposed to.?” And that’s true. She is supposed to be loving and choosing love also…. But here is the kicker….. we are all human and flawed and selfish at times.
Giving of your heart consistently is one of the biggest gifts you could ever give her. Do you know why? It is communicating to her that you will be there when all the men from her past were not, it’s telling her that no matter how emotional or irrational she can be…. And she knows she can be. That you will be the one willing to wade through, you will be there waiting or slowly and lovingly removing bricks from the walls she has put up. It is showing her comfort security and love in a way that nothing else can. Guys it is the hardest job we have, it makes no sense to us, you might as well give up trying to figure out any of the why’s in it and just respond in a loving and godly way. That is our calling from God to do. When she reacts to life or stress or anxiety that does not give us as men the excuse to do the same.
Love is truly a choice and its one I always want to make, you can not go wrong choosing to love someone through hard times. Times where 99% of the other guys would have said “I am GONE! I don’t need this.” The hard part is when you do feel taken for granted? Unfortunately that is something you need to pray about. I know God made Jacob wait for 7 years for his true love. If she is really the one that has your heart and its for the right reasons. I say stick it out, she might be healing from something from her past, God maybe taking her on a healing journey that will change her for the better. But if it’s a God given kind of love. Don’t give up. Fight for it even if it means from a distance. We forget as guys that fighting for something doesn’t always mean we are actively doing something. It could be, standing up for her if others say things, it could be fending off temptation from other women. Guys its tempting because you really have nothing other than a distant love to hold onto or a person that is on total reaction mode. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to love her any less. Many times that is the exact moment that she needs you there, to be her rock her normal, when the rest of her life seems in chaos.
Remember to Love her no matter what. If you feel it is what God has placed in your heart then honor that with your words and wisdom when reactions want to take over. It is our job as men to not let our natural reactions and need of expectations to guide our path. God says to love, he gives no condition and no time limit.
It is no easy job trust me I know, but deep in your heart you will know the good that will follow. It will help her heal from her past, it will aid in trust and faithfulness. It will make her feel very secure because she knows you stood up and acted like a true man when you got nothing in return and handled yourself like a gentlemen.