Lessons learned the hard way. Guys step it up !!!

Sacrifical love How to be her safe place.
Sacrifical love
How to be her safe place.

One thing I hear through out my day. Men complaining about the women in their lives. To me this is a sad thing. I don’t know every situation and don’t ever claim too but I do know this. Guys if you don’t start waking up and start reaching with a new desire for her, neither of you will be happy. I hear guys mad at the women in their lives because she is asking for something from them but wont come right out and say it to him. One conversation I heard was a guy saying if she brings a new relationship book to him one more time he was going to explode. He went on to say “I cook dinner more than she does, I clean the house… what the f**k more does she want from me.” She is trying to get some more emotion out and either wants him to figure it out (don’t do that girls we fail a lot on that even if we are trying) or she doesn’t know how to tell him what she is missing.
As men we have got to stand up here and lead even if its in an area we struggle in … emotions. Very few men are brave enough to dig into that part of their soul and truly become vulnerable. They feel that is seen as a weakness and we know women don’t like us to be weak. You can thank modern society for that.
So if you are wanting to do better in this area how do you even start? I have a new and crazy idea…… talk to her. Ask her what she is needing from you specifically. Ladies don’t be vague here you need to step this up to, you have a man reaching to you, now don’t make him feel like he has to drag it out of you other wise he could give up and pull away even farther.
Be honest here, listen to her heart. Guys this is where Love shines through. That Love will give you a desire to learn her, study her and always be a student of her. When we can let the selfish parts of our sinful nature go and look at her as God does. Not the emotional person that does things that drive us crazy. But rather the heart of the woman because many times her actions will contradict her heart. It is no easy job but it is one that she will appreciate more than you can possibly know. It will draw you closer together on a level you might never have seen.
Guys God calls you to step up, that doesn’t mean rule with an iron fist and get your way at all times. It means you lead with her at your side. You listen to her, you include her in all decisions, you discuss everything with her, never to leave her out. It means when she loses it emotionally you step up and take those blows she might send your way, you hold back on a heated retort. You love her through your actions and how you treat her not just in hugs kisses and words. Oh and she needs more of those also, more than you think. I just shake my head at guys sometimes. One word comes to mind… unobservant. As a whole men just don’t pay attention like women do. We tend to skate through fairly oblivious to little clues around us. Guys meet her where she needs you too, not where you are only comfortable going. That is what love is… a willingness to do things your not comfortable with, to do the little things that put a smile on her face and make her feel loved and cared for. Guys drop the attitude of… Ok I do all this what does she have to do for me??? Right ???? I get more sex right??? Focus on what your doing and DO NOT KEEP SCORE…. If she wants to keep score of the good things your doing then that’s great. In a book by Shanti Feldhan. About marriage, they studied very happily married couples and they tended to keep score of the good things their spouse did for them and they would try to one up then by giving back. Now that is the type of score keeping each marriage needs.

Guys it’s a big responsibility, bigger than you probably know. You want to be her safe place, a secure place she can show every single emotion and feeling she has. She wants to feel loved and secure. She wants to be heard and listened to in a way that says you care.
So start working to this point today. There is no better time or place to make your woman happy. Help make all her friends jealous of the relationship you have.

Trying to counter spammers

Giving all of you legit members here a heads up.
Im going through my registered members and weeding out the spammers.
so if you are a legit person and not a spammer.
get a new email or contact me directly.

if your email ends in


Any of these will be deleted and blocked from this site.
Also if your user name is a jumble of random letters and numbers, those are being deleted also. If you want back message me.

thank you for the legit members that come here to read and share. Its a shame spam gets to this level.

Using Paul as an example how to leave our circumstances behind.

Learn to have Paul's trust in all circumstances
Learn to have Paul’s trust in all circumstances

When God lays something on our hearts many times we lay our own expectations of how, when and why. I was reading in Acts and found the perfect reading to go with it all.
Acts 25-28. I highly suggest reading this before you continue on.

Paul knew he was supposed to go to Rome. He didn’t know how and in the text he had no expectations of how either. I look at Paul’s journey to Rome as a HUGE lesson to learn from on a few levels. One God laid it on his heart that he would get to Rome even when he was warned against it. Two: when faced with opposition (ie… Festus wanting to send him to Jerusalem instead.) He demanded a trial and stand in front of Caesar. Which was the law, plus it put him in Rome.
Paul’s steadfast faith in knowing God wanted him there is the thing that made all else clear. If only we could remember that in our lives. Too many times we try to get it all figured out before we are willing to take on what God has told us to do.
(‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭11‬:‭4-6‬ NLT) tells us that we are to not waste time, we are to act and not wait for the perfect time. Many times people use God as the excuse as to why they are not acting… “Im waiting on God”…. Don’t misunderstand I think there are times this is true, but many times this is the scapegoat of our own fears. ‬‬‬
Paul didn’t suffer from that, he was solid in his faith and much of him getting to Rome was based on God’s will to get him there and Paul’s faith to believe it, no matter how hard the world seemed to rise up to stop him.
In this story a storm even was thrown in front of him and we can speculate several reason why. The enemy trying to stop him? Or so others on that ship would see God’s work through Paul.? We can’t really know but it is fun to think about.
If you notice in this story Paul is calm. He knows his rights, he is well informed and he is acting on the things God has told him. He could be killed on a whim in Rome and he knows that. He warns them to not leave the docks at that time. But they go anyway because it appears calm. I myself would have been just a tad scared to know God had said no don’t leave and they go anyway. But he is relying on God totally, all because of some simple assumptions. Much like Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice Isaac, he knew God gave him that boy and because of him he would spread his people across the world. So he assumed God would provide a way out of it or he would raise him from the dead.
Paul was acting much in the same way. He knew God wanted him in Rome and even if he was a prisoner or on a ship facing a storm he knew was bad news, he knew he would get there. That is faith we all need to have. Think about the level of faith that they had and it wasn’t just blind faith. It was acts of faith based on assumptions. If God says he will get you to Rome he will get you to Rome and nothing can stop that, now it might not be the route he would have liked or have expected.
Apply this to your own life now. How many times has God laid something on your heart to then seriously lose faith when things are not how we expected them to be? God usually doesn’t show us the route we are to take to get there and its usually not at all how we expect.
I have seen this in my own life, more times then I like to admit. If you don’t guard your thoughts you will see failure in these unforeseen road blocks. These detours we find ourselves on are where the good stuff happens if you let it. Letting go of those expectations can be hard, they usually reside in places we don’t like to face, insecurities, fears and low self esteem type of stuff. When we listen to fear no matter what it is we are not following anything that the bible tells us, but we do over and over again. I have wanted to kick myself when I felt I have dropped the ball on this stuff. It’s so aggravating to know something God has shown you and then you feel doubt. Worry and fear start to take over because it isn’t happening how we expected it would. Well we can take heart in Paul and his trip to Rome.
Two weeks into the storm he tells the crew an angel came and told him as long as everyone stayed on the boat not a soul would die. Now think about that for a little bit. What is the natural reaction to a sinking ship? Abandon and take to the life rafts right? That’s exactly what they wanted to do. He warned them and surprisingly they listened to him. But think how we react to things like this. Most of the times we jump into the life rafts because that is what seems logical and safe right? Well I would argue that the safest place is where God has told you to be and that is usually not full of safety and security now is it?
Next time you sense yourself feeling defeated after God has shown you something to do in life. Stop laying your own expectation on it and start acting on it. Assuming he told you something, act on that not on the fears that will stop you. Don’t let life get you down because it isn’t happening the way you dreamed. God’s plans for us are far greater than the dreams we have, that’s for sure. So read this passage in Acts with an open heart and open eyes to see how Paul did it and how he reacted to life’s road blocks. Use him as an example of how to assume God will do the things he has laid on our hearts. God is good and working for us and for our good, never forget that.

Don’t Be the Dot in life.

When I think of the choices we have to make in our lives, I think of what path does God want me on? Where am I supposed to be, where am I meant to be right now or where should I go, what decision do I need to make. All of these questions are very real ones we have all asked ourselves over the years. But as I get older, read more and open myself up to God as much as I can. I find that too many people stay right there. They fret worry and fuss about Gods path and where they are supposed to be. By doing that very thing they end up going no where. That is not Gods plan for anyone. I know that God sometimes wants us to wait, to be patient and wait for his timing. Yet other times I really feel He is waiting on us to move in faith, to step forward to show our faith in our actions. I think that if I could put it on paper as a drawing it would look like the one we have all seen about success and how we perceive it and how it is in reality.

Success and life choices
Success and life choices

But the difference is this.
Imagine someone locked in place because of fear, insecurity, you name it. Whatever the reason. Imagine a dot instead of that straight line. Now imagine someone with many lines in front of them each representing a choice in life, job, relationships, family, friends, coworkers, there is an endless number of choices that could be there.
Now imagine you acting on the knowledge you have and using a good biblical knowledge , and keeping a good moral base, (ask yourself,… would God be ok with this, would he be proud of this choice?) Now with that inside you make the decisions even if your afraid, it goes straight hits a tangent and angles off in another direction to hit another and another. Think about this for a little bit. If you are the dot sitting there usually the reason is not because God is telling you to sit there doing nothing. The reason is usually that your afraid of something, or your dealing with some kind of insecurity inside yourself. Too many times we play off these reasons and let God be our scapegoat. That is not the kind of faith I want to have.
I personally don’t think God cares what job you have or what car you drive, just that you’re using the talents he has given you and using them to spread his word.
EVEN if you make a decision that was made with good information but turns out to be something that didn’t turn out the way you thought. Well you are not the first. Does that mean the decision was a wrong one to make? Nope… I can’t stress that enough. Look at Joseph in Genesis. He didn’t do anything wrong other than sharing his dreams to brothers that hated him. Other than that he didn’t do a thing wrong. As he says later “what you meant for evil, God used for good.” When we can learn to look at the bad things that happen in our lives like that, we can move forward with out fear of mistakes. It’s about where your heart is, the intentions you have and the reasons why you act or don’t act. My biggest fear is to be the person that’s frozen in place because I am afraid of the unknown. I don’t want to be the dot that God is waiting to step out in faith and trust him to act through my decisions instead of me always waiting for him to perform miracles to show me a big red arrow, pointing to where I need to go. Will all my decisions be great and lead to wonderful dreams…. I hope, but I have no real expectations of that haha. The point is to not let my own fears stop me. I have done that too many times in my past to want to keep living that over and over. So my point to all of this….. DON’T BE THE DOT!!!! Don’t be afraid to let God work through your decisions and put your faith into action.

When a song hits you hard

Before the morning. when a song touch's your heart
Before the morning.
when a song touch’s your heart

The song Before the Morning by Josh Wilson…. I have heard it hundreds of times, it was brought to my attention the other day by a close friend. I listened to it closely then pulled up the lyrics to read them. I found something that called to me. Ever have one of those moments when a song or a verse just is jumping off the pages or off the radio at you? You can’t explain it, but it goes very deep and hits you right in the heart. There is a reason for that. Learning to listen for those small but powerful callings is vital.
This song has a message that everyone needs to not only listen to but hear in their hearts. Take it to heart and never let this message go. I have talked about how our thoughts dictate where we go in life or more importantly where we don’t go. The message is one of hope during hard times. A great message over all for everyone. But I think it goes much deeper.

“Do you wonder why you have to feel the things that hurt you?
If there’s a God who loves you where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can’t see
And all those things are happening to bring a better ending
Someday, somehow you’ll see, you’ll see

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming”

A common question every christian has….. WHY!?!? Why do I have to go through things like this, why can’t I have a good life, a simple one with no problems.
People brought up in a legalistic church have a tendency to look at things like this and think Oh no I have done something to deserve this. There is a sin in my life that I am getting punished for…… I don’t understand this line of thinking at all. Especially when God states many times in the bible that this life will not be easy. That if we follow Christ we will be in turmoil.
Yes, and everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution. (‭2 Timothy‬ ‭3‬:‭12‬ NLT)
Persecution is not always people hating on your faith. We can be attacked at our core in small ways every day.
So this should not be any big surprise but yet it seems to be.
Legalistic church based people seem to point the finger back at themselves a lot when bad things happen or worse at others when bad things happen to them. Thinking they must have gone outside of God’s will and are bringing it all upon their own heads and they are suffering God’s wrath.
From my talks with people that have grown up in this, it shows one big thing. They basically see God and Jesus as two totally separate beings. That God is the God of the old testament the one of anger, wrath and destruction, Jesus is the kind soul, loving and caring with compassion. All one needs to do to dispel this is to read ALL of the Old Testament. Yes, there was wrath and destruction but there are just as many verses of compassion love and God’s grace to people willing to change from a sinful heart, it is there, so stop reading past it.
God will use the hardships of life to mold us and grow us. But it still takes us to allow ourselves to be moldable. If we harden our hearts and become like a mule and be stubborn then you will miss out on these opportunities. Like wise if you are scared and afraid of any choice you make for fear of God’s wrath. God loves a risk taker that does so on biblical reasoning and trust in him. Everyone around you will benefit from a faithful risk taker in God’s name. Peter was the only disciple willing to risk a step onto the water. After all the things the men had seen already he was the only one that took a risk and stepped out in faith. Now he didn’t stay up long because his faith gave into the crashing waves around him, much like most of us with the storms in our lives.

In this song the second verse. “would you dare to believe” This is not some simple statement thrown out there. It’s a question with an ! after it. God is daring you to step out of your normal life, your safe zone. So that you can live the life promised to you. We can sit on the couch with the remote until we die and some do. Or you can start living a full life of abundance that God promised you. You notice he promises that but he never promises it will be easy but that it will be worth it.

It boils down to the basics I have talked about so many times.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. (‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭8‬ NLT)

These are the things that should structure your life, you thinking, your attitude. Life will test them, God allows trials and tests in our life to test our. Just ask Abraham when God asked him to sacrifice his promised son Isaac as an offering. You talk about testing. WOW that it.
So during these tests, we must keep our thoughts in good places, it doesn’t mean we block out anything bad because that is impossible. But it means we manage it, We process our thoughts, become aware of how we think and where that leads us because everything in our life is first a thought, then an idea born into a choice that dictates our actions. Our thoughts are the most important things about our lives, about ourselves. They form ideas of who we think we are as a person and what our value is to those around us.
Be brave and stand up and let your life you lead say “Lord here I am send me.”

Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” I said, “Here I am. Send me.” (‭Isaiah‬ ‭6‬:‭8‬ NLT)
From the movie “Fury”

Live your life bravely, boldly and let your light shine to others.
Don’t wait for your dreams and goals to just land in your lap, God wants a man willing to work, willing to stand up in the middle of the storm of circumstance in his life.

Farmers who wait for perfect weather never plant. If they watch every cloud, they never harvest. Just as you cannot understand the path of the wind or the mystery of a tiny baby growing in its mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the activity of God, who does all things. Plant your seed in the morning and keep busy all afternoon, for you don’t know if profit will come from one activity or another—or maybe both. (‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭11‬:‭4-6‬ NLT)

I say this world needs more people willing to plant their seeds during imperfect conditions with hope that God will make it work rather than sit passively by and blame his lack of food during harvest on the conditions.

It is amazing what can come from a simple song at the right time 🙂

What is your worth based on?

What is your self worth?
What is your self worth?

The most harmful words you can ever think….. I am not good enough.
This leads to all the others. Not pretty enough, not rich enough, not brave enough, not worth the effort. All of these come from the first.
These are all the things that we all have said in our thoughts, behind closed doors or when we are all alone. Many times we don’t even like to admit it to ourselves. Our minds have an interesting way of hiding things or avoiding them all together. The thing we need to start doing is pulling back the covers and actually looking underneath, not with a critical eye but with one of change in mind.
I truly believe the saying. “ You can’t love someone until you first learn how to love yourself.”
This doesn’t mean cocky, egotistical or self absorbed kind of love. It’s a confidence thing that means you have self respect and know who you are. We don’t always know where we are going, but we know what our true character is when no one is looking. If you can get into the inner workings of that person and make changes to be a better you when no one else is around. Then you have truly made some changes for the right reasons. Today too many people put all of their self worth on someone else and the list of expectations placed on that person is impossible to perform even if they wanted to. If you only really love yourself when you are with someone else then you need to investigate the inner workings of who you are.
Here is where we get locked up in all of this. We are not happy with our weight, our eyes, our hair or lack there of, our finical situation…. But these things do not mean you can’t still love who you are. Every one of these things is susceptible to change beyond our control. I have told many women this when looking for a man with money. ie girls word for security (in general). People get fired, let go, or lose their 6 figure incomes every day. Look for a man that is brave and isn’t afraid to try new things to reach out there and has a vision and has goals to start on that path.
Every one of the things I listed are all relatively easy to change. But the words you speak about yourself, to yourself are things that last and can do serious damage to the person you want to be.
I would challenge anyone to do this. Each day that you’re in the mirror getting ready for your day. Instead of the long list of things your not happy with. Find one good thing and give yourself a compliment about it, start feeding yourself good thoughts one at a time each day.
Women….. I am talking to you. I know women have more problem about looks and how good or bad they perceive themselves than men as a whole so I am talking to you.
Start making notes about how many times a day you berate yourself on something about your looks. Start being aware of it. If you truly start to take notice of how many times your thoughts go to a negative when it comes to your looks, you will be shocked.
I know someone that’s a beautiful girl. Inside and out stunningly beautiful. I have seen her literally pick herself apart in a mirror, turning this way and that tugging at places on her body she hates, frowning and making faces at times but never saying a word. I have seen others do this exact thing and the scary thing is that there were a hundred more things being communicated inside her head than I never could pick up on.
Here are the facts. Our body does not dictate our self worth. We may not like how our bodies currently look, but that in no way changes who we are inside. I wont lie I think everyone should make changes to eat better and stay in shape, it’s just healthy and good for us but too many times we link our body and looks to our self worth and that is just wrong.
People try to defeat themselves even before they give themselves a chance. For instance… If you see something on TV, a person doing something ( doesn’t matter what it is) and the first reaction from people is almost always…. “ There is no way I could do that.” Think about how much that automatic response to something means. We shut things down immediately.
Here is a real world example from my life.
I had looked at the Tough Mudder obstacle course runs and have said the exact same words… “there is no way.” It looks like fun but I could never do that. This is a 11-13 mile run in mud and over rough terrain with about 25-30 obstacles in the way ranging from climbing over a 12 foot high wall, crawling in mud and water while getting shocked from small wires hanging down, sliding down into a pit of water covered by a chain link fence and pulling yourself for 50 yards or so, with just a few inches of breathing space between the water and the fence.
2 years later I was standing at the finish line with my best friend drinking a well deserved beer they give to you at the end wearing my new and already muddy orange head band. One knee injury, having to walk half of it and having my friend to lean on and 5 hours later.
The moral of this story….. never sell yourself short. You are capable of so much more than your mind is willing to let you believe. You just have to try. I don’t care if its body issues, fear issues, or self esteem issues. NEVER EVER sell yourself short, because your mind will try to every stinking time. I don’t care who is reading this, what shape you are in, how much you weigh, or what you think you are capable of. YOU ARE valuable. God places us on this earth to serve others. So that means there is someone out there needing something that you can give right now. “The fastest way to succeed is to help others succeed.” When you find your confidence in who you are as a person, WOW things start to change. Don’t get discouraged, there will be ups and downs in all of those areas. Trust me on that one.
The thing to remember, when you hit a low is that your story doesn’t end there.. Your story goes on until the day you take your last breath. So do not let life hold you down or someone that means so little in your life to hold you back. No one should ever allow anyone to have that kind of power over them. Even if that “person” is resting between your own ears.