Are you still playing with the box?

Are you still playing with the box?
Are you still playing with the box?

There was an interesting sermon I heard this morning that I thought I should share.

They talked about not getting caught in our societies trap of things. Placing our value on material things, or looking to fill our joy with items of this world.

That doesn’t mean we all have to live poor and on the streets it just means to not base your happiness on items of things.
I fell into the trap until my mid 30’s I think. I was searching for something to fill a void inside me that I never could identify. I searched and bought and filled with things, hobbies and all that when All i needed was God.

One analogy they gave was great.
You know how when you buy your kids something when they were young they ended up playing with the box by the end of the day and had forgotten all about the gift you had gotten them.

Well we are kind of like that with our lives. God has given us a gift from him and that is his Love for us. But we have this great world with so many cool things in it that take our eyes off our true purpose in life. This is kind of hard to explain with out sounding like we are supposed to just leave all our possessions and live a life of simplicity. But its more of a matter of where your heart is than what you own. If anything in your life is controlled by a thing, size of home, kind of car, how big your bank account is. There are many wonderful people that are rich and have a ton of money that are not caught up in the materialistic stuff. They give a lot away but the money and stuff doesn’t control their lives.
I hope you can see the difference here.

So we get this grand opportunity in life to live, to experience all the things God has placed here, but not to be taken in by them, not controlled by them, they shouldn’t possess your heart. But many times they do. Ok say right now in the mail you get a envelope that has $1000.00 in it not attached to anyone just in the mail. What are your first reactions or plans for it?

A New toy or new thing to get? or is it to maybe take a little and get current on bills and payments, or pay a loan off or even find a family needer than you and give them some or donate it to a local church?
This is my struggle. I want to have a certain “cushion” of money it makes me feel safe and many times giving some away seems the last thing I would want to do because where I was financially at the time. God usually wants us to trust him to provide for us, yes even in money. to many times we see money as security because honestly it is. But the kicker is…. God wants us to be wise a wise steward with the things he gives us, but also to give much of it away so that we rely on him. This is my delima personally. And I don’t have an answer.
This leads us into murky waters though, filling that place in us for God with stuff.
So basically we have decided to play with the box that God gave us, that contains the most valuable gift ever yet here we are playing more and totally caught up in the box it comes in.

Where is your inner warrior?

The inner warrior in everyone
The inner warrior in everyone

Me being the typical guy, I like to read about battles and ancient combat, wars and the specifics about it. Some reason it just fascinates me, to read about brave people from our past that have done amazing things.
It makes me look in at myself and unfortunately I haven’t feel like I measure up many times. I think thats pretty common though. I think people in general tend to think of themselves as a lower stature or standing than others see them.
I love using examples from the bible for this stuff.
Moses actually argued with God… God was speaking directly to him and he was telling God he had made a mistake and gotten the wrong guy…?????? LOL can you imagine.

Joshua was to be the man that replaces Moses. He was scared to death. He, a simple man was to replace this God driven man that had done so much to lead his people. But God told him many times fear not do not be afraid.

Gideon was a simple man also, in the lowest of low tribes that didn’t measure up to anything, he had to have God prove it to him 2 different times because he doubted so much.

What I am getting at is that each of us has something inside of us that needs to be released. There is a warrior spirit in every one of us. A drive a conviction a destiny per-say. Too many times in our lives we keep that trapped inside us, afraid to let it out for whatever reason. Fear of failure, fear of unknown. Who knows, the reasons are endless, a long list of excuses really. I know because I battle them everyday. It’s never fun to have to confront your own failings or flaws in your character or admit mistakes and screw ups on our part. But it is a large part of our growing. Our mistakes do not define us. People have hurt us in our past, that is something no one escapes as we get older. But it does not define who you are as a person. All that did was show the other persons heart, or lack there of. We need to find that spirit that rests inside us and let it out or take the chains we have placed on it off.
All of these people from the bible, battle the very same thing we do today. They had very little confidence in themselves and their abilities. It took God coming in and helping them get on the right path. Too many times when we can’t see what He is doing we baulk because that part of us wants to know everything is going to be ok before we move. This is where we have our first real faith blockers.
This is one of the battles of self vs God so many times. We see it almost everyday. The biggest for me has been to step when I don’t know whats going to happen. Doesn’t matter the subject at all. It could be a small thing or a large thing the battle is still the same.
Now look a these biblical people. They didn’t know what God had in store for them. They could even talk to him and he wouldn’t say. The one thing he told them over and over is Fear not, Be not afraid, because he knew our nature. He knows the dangers that fear put on us, he knows that it is a HUGE faith blocker. Fear is probably the biggest stopper of dreams and hope I have ever seen or felt.
These people of the bible felt it too, but God called them, they felt they were not worthy but God gave them what they needed to do the job. THAT is what its all about. If your faced with an impossibility in your life stop looking at it like Oh My Goodness its never going to change, I’m going to be here forever. Thats the attitude of a defeated person. Look at Jehoshaphat in the bible. He was faced with an army that he could not handle and he knew it. He prayed with authority and basically called God out and said “Hey you promised us this land are you just going to let them take it?” Then they praised God with music and dance.
THAT is the right kind of reaction. Look at what he could have done… He could have taken the matter into his hands and ran or put all his men to fight to the last man. But God answered his prayers. The army was defeated because they became confused and fought and killed each other. God usually wont tell us how he is going to do things, but he trusts us to believe he will. That is the key I think. Having our trust in the right place, If you break it down its either trust in our own ability and what we can see or trust in God. Which is it?
There are times God will give us little glimpses into the next step but not very much. I have seen this myself. But they are usually very very small windows. I had something happen to me I wrote about a few days ago about looking and praying for answers on a certain subject. I was in deep prayer and it was like a fathers hand on my shoulder (in my minds eye) turned me around and told me all the answered prayers were real and to not doubt and everything was real and from him. Also that I kept asking in prayer about certain things but that he had already answered. It was very enlightening for me because it made me realize that I needed to look back and remember the ways he had been there before.

When my friend the other day told me it was all very simple. Let go and let God. Sometimes you want to just kick yourself because it really is that simple. We hold onto things to comfort us and make us feel good about ourselves or where we are in life. For some its stuff…. cars boats you name it, for others its a job, others its people and unhealthy relationships, still others its the security money brings. We all hang onto these things… but all we are really doing is trusting in ourselves or the things around us. Its not really placing trust in God. I so wish I could say I can do this stuff but I can’t. Somethings I can, some I can not. It is very frustrating when you hit a wall and can’t let go. Especially when you have many of Gods answered prayers behind you showing you the way.
I know your wondering what all of this has to do with that inner warrior spirit I talked about right… well if you can find that inside yourself and start to unshackle it… slowly start to remove the chains that have held it down. The chains are the fears if you think about it. The braver you become, the more you start to trust God with your life, the more of those chains slide off never to return. The more trust you can put into Gods hands the more he can do with you. He can use you in amazing ways. We just have to let him.
Imagine in your mind. A great warrior, strong and tall huge muscles, you can just see the skill and ability in him, but totally wrapped in chains, so many that the weight of it is holding him in place unable to move. What is going through your heart right now just thinking of that? Who put him there? Why is he wrapped up? So sad?
Well that warrior is inside of you right now, weighted down with the chains of fear, doubt, worry and a past that sometimes you hang onto. Your right it is very sad.
Missed opportunities and missed things God puts in front of us and we pass them by because we can’t see past the door or are too afraid to take one step.
So very sad. I know I have done it, lived it, and battle it every day. Don’t let your inner warrior stay hidden. Bring him out… set him free.

“Let Go and Let God.”
its so very simple when said in such few words.

Got some good advice today

A close friend I work with gave me some of the simplest advice today but can be the hardest to do.

“Let go and let God.” Yup that simple. He followed it up with his story about how God took him through a time of learning to let go, he risked finaicial trials and going with no money to follow that pull God had on him. But he said now looking back it just dawned on him… God had given him the desires of his heart. he followed God even when it was a big risk. I am learning that sometimes God wants us to take a risk, following in faith instead of whats in front of us.

The really interesting thing is that I get to CrossFit to work out and talk to Jeremy (one of the owners) and he talks about the same things… letting go of things and how God will break you until you stop fighting. How that sometimes we hang on so tight that God has to pull harder to get us to let go.

I just found it interesting how it all came up on the same day.
because I feel I have done that exact thing. and God brought it back. many times thats what happens. Look at Abraham He was to sacrifice his son, the very son that God had promised him. Then turned around and asked him to sacrifice him??? Many times We have to let go of what we want badly in faith, and when we do and trust God to provide for us no matter what the subject is. he will turn around and give us the very thing we were hanging on to so tightly. It could be a person, a material thing, money or the security it brings, job or who knows what else. Its all about faith. Who do you trust? You and what you see or do you believe God and his ability to provide? One of the hardest things to do but its simple.

Let go and let God. I wish I could say I was able to do this all the time but Im finding that our faith is a constant up and down thing. Its a constant battle of self vs God.

It was an interesting day, one of many that God reaches me and through people. I sometimes forget that people are his tools and he uses them to reach us. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore by all of this stuff but I am always thankful and grateful.

Are the answers to your prayers already in your hands?

Ever find your self praying about a something specific or looking for answers in your bible and can’t seem to find them? You’re just yearning for God to tell you or show you something or show you the way, but it just doesn’t seem to come? Been there done that, wrote the book on it. As I am sure 99% of the christians out there have. But what are we to do? Stand still and feel lost?

There are times God will hold us in place but there are other times he wont, God is mostly a God of love and action. Love is not a word we say or the name of our feelings. It is a word that God wants us to put into action not to waste it on empty words.
Action in this case is not passively praying or worshiping to complain about our circumstances. It’s doing. It hit me so hard this morning because I have a decision to make, it has been on my heart for over a year and it’s gotten heavier and heavier. Probably the biggest decision of my life. The one that will have the most impact on me and my family. But I have been looking for guidance, I have been asking for answers and confirmation and searching the bible for that one verse that jumps out that screams THIS IS IT!!!! I look because that has happened in the past by the way.
This morning I had a moment in prayer that I don’t know if anyone else ever has or gets. Some will think I’m crazy but I really don’t care. In prayer it was so soft that I didn’t catch it till I was done praying and sat down this morning to get back into my bible and made a small prayer before I opened it.
We forget sometimes God doesn’t scream his answers to us. Many times they are soft and subtle and if we are not quiet in our life we will miss them. Well I caught this one.
The answers I have been looking for are not in what I am reading and looking for right now. They are in the truth of my past. He reminded me of all the answered prayers on this subject. All the moments where he came into my heart and changed me in an instant or had me in tears asking for forgiveness and giving me grace that no one deserves. Those answers were all around me over the past 3 years almost 4 now. He showed me that my answer had already been given to me and He wasn’t going to give them again. I just hadn’t been looking in the right direction.
To me this was something that kind of scared me, it made me think OH my goodness. What If I have been missing other things like this because I was only focused on what he would show me in the near future???
Good thing God knows what we need and exactly when we need it.
So I got the answers I was looking for and can move forward now. It was kind of funny how it all happened, it was like a series of steps he was taking me through in my past prayers. Like He was laying cobbles stones in front of me leading me to my answer he had already given me. Much like a teacher showing you a problem you had followed all the steps gotten the right answer but didn’t know how you had gotten there.
It was very calm very slow and I opened my bible and as I was searching for the answers finding nothing in Matthew, Mark or Luke. I stopped reading and just let go of my mind a bit and those cobbles stones started forming in front of me so I followed them.
Like I have had happen so many times in my near past. It was just like a Fathers hand is laid on your shoulder whispering fatherly advice,
“You have your answers in the stones that led you here.” In my mind it was like I turned around and I see each answered prayer, each moment I have had with God was on a stone that lead me to where I was right now. A squeeze of the shoulder of a knowing father that sees I have gotten his point. WOW.
Now I didn’t see all of this, I’m just trying to describe how it felt and honestly thats as close as its going to get.
Thank you Lord for not giving up on this hard headed fool. 🙂

Feeling unworthy?

Gods love is for all
Gods love is for all

These last few years I have had the privilege to meet some amazing people, learn from them and share some of my own experiences in life. It has opened me up and in a way that has shown me that I’m being selfish by keeping all my life to myself. Look at this Blog and my Facebook page and my Pinterest boards… yeah yeah I know a guy on Pinterest… shut up I don’t need a recipe book anymore I just go there LOL. anyway….. It is down right selfish of me to keep my life all to myself. There are many other people that can gain from my life and my experiences…. Lord knows if I can save someone from making a mistake I have made by hearing my story then that gets me excited.
But you know what makes me truly sad… it’s something I see in mostly women and I’m not sure why. I have met many that have opened up to me and I feel privileged to be allowed to hear their stories. But one thing that I find consistent with each one is this. Please women that read my articles please tell me if this is true or not.
You do not feel like your worthy or deserving of love being from a good man or even from God.
So many women I have talked to say the same thing when I get to the last of the conversation. I ask … “Do you feel like you deserve to be loved like God intends? by a Godly man or even by God himself” almost all say no. I shouldn’t say all but a majority have.

I wish I knew a solid answer here but I think I have a little sliver of truth that might help.

This is not from God. This is not truth speaking. This is a enemy that wants to drive a wedge into your life. He starts with a child that has a dad that isn’t the best example of what a Godly man should be, or treats their mom bad or even the kids. This sets the stage for it.
But even more so it seems to me women that have been in very harmful relationships or multiple ones. They seem to have this feeling of …. Well I have tried so many times I guess its just not for me…… If your a woman that feels this way. Like they are undeserving of a good loving man and would risk turning one away just because of that feeling. listen to me…
You open your bible, and show me where this is a fact,… you show me where God says anyone is undeserving of his love or the love of a good man. Go ahead. I will wait. Cause your going to be a long time.. because there isn’t one.

This has got to end. It is keeping so many women feeling less then they really are. Any time you feel unworthy of something thats a lie.
Listen to ME!!! the devil is feeding your mind these thoughts. These are destructive thoughts… God does not work in destruction. His tools are not deceit, lies, confusion or chaos… Please listen to me. Hear the thoughts that come into your head for what they really are. Any negative thought about yourself that makes you feel less is not of God. You are all Beautiful in his eyes he loves you more than anyone on this planet… Get this through your heads.
OK if that doesn’t work.. look at your kids. Do you want them to grow up with this same feeling?? Do you think they are unworthy? ??? if not then you have got to understand they follow your actions not your words. If you are feeling this way then they pick up on it and will carry it to adulthood with them.
If I have to use guilt to stop this trend then I will. I have seen beautiful women that think they are ugly and do you know where that comes from?….. Feeling unworthy, someone in their past treated them like crap, be it old boyfriend a father, or a ex husband. But I almost guarantee that is the case. Your letting your past dictate your future. Because there is a man out there that although not perfect. Is there for you, to love you to care for you and to hold you close and tender….. he is there. Because God loves us that same way. His love is shown through us to each other.
It seems many women that are usually in the 35-50 range that are of the feeling …. ” I give up on love, its just not for me and there is no one out there at all” and they shut down… they grow cold hearted toward men and all men are scum now. If I was to tell you that would be a sin what would you think?
If I was to tell you that God frowns at a cold heart and it saddens him to know one of his children has grown cold to love?
Because what your doing is playing right into the enemies hands. The longer you can go alone the easier it is for him to keep that wedge there. Now its more than a wedge between you and men it will reflect in your relationship with God also. Satan knows that if he can keep 2 godly people apart he has won. because 2 are way harder to sway away from God than one solo.

It says it right here.
Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NLT)

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17 NIV)

These two verses speak a lot of truth. Too many people will isolate themselves because of hurt caused by others thinking this is a way to escape the hurt. but really they are just creating an avenue for the enemy to start an attack and one that feeds right into the emotions they are currently feeling.
I wish I had a step by step fix for it because it is keeping many women out there alone and angry. Girls, not all guys are jerks, Not all guys are womanizers. Not all of them are out to hurt you. I can’t promise it wont happen but I can promise you, you will never find the guy for you if your door is never open to it.
God could send him straight to you and he would never have a chance. Unless he is persistent enough to slowly let you lower your walls you have built up. But thats between him and God 🙂

It’s just sad to me to see so many beautiful, nice women out there so cold when it comes to men and ever letting one back inside those walls.
Take it to God and pray about it… a lot. pray specifically about that subject.

I hope you find some answers because there could be a guy just for you waiting on your to lower those walls.

Courage… it really can be the small things

We hear the word Courage everyday, we see it on the news and sometimes we wonder if we were put into a high stress situation we hope we would have it or find it.

What is courage??? We think of it as usually being someone that performed a heroic feat to save a life or a military person or a policeman or someone like that. Not taking away from them at all, but I think people need to look down a little lower to find everyday courage thats all around them.

People all have different levels of fears there-fore they all have different levels of comfort. What I mean by this is that some people may not bat an eye at jumping into traffic to drag someone out of the way. Others that same level of courage might be just to talk to a stranger. You have to remember to some they would feel that same level of fear if called to speak in front of a large crowd. ( thats me) Others wouldn’t think twice about it, it just comes natural.

So my point here is look around you I have seen amazing feats of courage some wildly extreme, some what most would think were everyday. But to those people its still courageous.
I have seen a woman risk ridicule and damnation from a church for divorcing a man that was border line physically abusive, emotionally abusive and verbally abusive. She risked her reputation in the church, her lively hood and her security financially. Now that my friends is courage.
I have seen people risk their lives to save a child in the street. I have seen acts of bravery in trying to rescue someone from a car in an accident.
I have seen someone step up to the microphone in front of a large crowd knowing they were petrified but spoke anyway. thats courage.
Anytime we take on one of our fears in life. be it heights, jumping out of a plane to sky dive (This is on my list) or getting the courage to strike up a conversation with a stranger. These all take courage. So stop selling yourselves short, there are parts of your life right now that your brave in that others are not.

Find a fear you have and take the small steps to take it on. Face it or tear it down and figure out why are you really afraid of it. ask why until you figure it out.
Practicing small acts of courage each day leads to leading a heroic and confident life.

When reality and your mind collide

The last couple of days have been an eye opener for me. It has shown me that most of the time our minds will take us to our biggest fears if there is no evidence to keep it from going there. Left to its own for very long while under stress or worry it will almost always bring us to face those very fears be they real or just in our minds. We try to fight it and don’t want to let them creep in but when there is no outward evidence of it, it seems to become harder to defend yourself from those fearful places.
Me personally, if I isolate myself and don’t let anything from the outside in… it gets worse. Seems like all the bad things magnify after a while. I wish I knew why. There have been times when I am great with where I am in life then others with no change in anything I’m not. It makes me feel like a failure in a way because I feel my faith should be stronger than that and it makes me sad that I cant seem to hold it together and that really aggravates me to no end. I guess it’s just something I need to focus on. Focusing on Gods truth and what I know that to be in my situation. The last few days has really helped me. It brought a ring of truth through my storm. The has all reminded me so very much of the saying “It’s always darkest before the dawn.” The enemy knows when we are close to a victory and he will fight tooth and nail and the hardest at the end because he knows whats coming. It has really felt just like that for a couple of weeks. I feel like today that veil was broken in my life. I don’t know that its all past but this part is and I am so greatful.

So i guess the reason for all of this is that just remember when your going through storms in your life. That your mind can be your worst enemy, fall back to God and the truths in his word and what he hass been showing you. He loves you more than anything else in this world, he has your fears worries… he knows each one and what they do to you. try hard to give them up to him, i know it is not easy at all but we have to try.

Thank you lord for never giving up on me even when I fail you over and over.

Remember this…

I posted something on my personl facebook page the other day and I had many people message me telling me thanks for the reminder.

Its simple but good to remember.

Remember when the What if’s, the what might be’s and all the worst case scenarios start to take over your thoughts.
That God has each one of them in his hands, He knows of each one and he has control of them all. We were never meant to be your’s to carry.

Just thought I would pass that on to those not on my Facebook.

Enjoy this great day.

One of those God moments.

those times when you just know it was for you.
those times when you just know it was for you.

Ok It has been one of those amazing days. Ever have a time when your not right feeling down and can’t seem to get out of it.. I talked about that a little in the last post.
Well more of Gods grace and ability shown in my life today. I was driving to Branson and was stopped at a light and a song comes on and I can’t not for the life of me remember the name of it. But at the beginning he says ” by now we would have thought you would have come down and wiped our tears away.”
It goes on to say how He was there all along and. It hit me like a explosion.
I’m brave enough in my manhood to say I broke down right there. Tears flowed and it all just came out. I didn’t realize till later why. It wasn’t sadness it wasn’t joy, Not until a little later I was talking on my recorder did it hit me. I hadn’t realized just how much I had been holding back emotionally. The hurt I have gone through the pain of it all from the worry to the fear to who knows what else. It was just like he came up to me and placed a hand on my shoulder like a father would do and said. “Its ok, I know the burden I have put on you, I know its very hard….. (ugh it brings tears now) …… I know this task is not an easy one. I know all that your feeling and going through. I understand and I’m here to tell you its ok.”

That’s the best way I can describe it . When that came it was like a flood of emotions, all the stuff I have tried to hold onto and hide so I can be strong and tough like a man should be right haha. It came in great gasps and overwhelming me to the point I almost had to pull over. The only thing I said during the whole thing was Thank you God thank you…… He knew what I had been hanging onto even when I wasn’t even sure of it. It was something I could never explain to another person. No friend no matter how close could have given me what he did, or understand it all. No one else could fill that role.
It was totally amazing and cleansing. being able to let all of that go felt so good. Thank you Lord, so very much for your persistence and reaching us in ways we don’t even realize we need. People might say I am crazy but I really don’t care what anyone says or thinks. I know the truth and just how his goodness can shine through us if we let it. My love for God just went to a new level today. Amazing things happen everyday. Wake up and live like your expecting him to act with you for you or beside you every day.
Thank you God for not letting go of me.

The down days….

What are we to do when we feel down, tired , exhausted and just friggin worn out from all the junk that goes on in your life. The stuff that seems totally out of your control, but you can’t seem to let it go and just be able to live a full life?
I for one, am finding that when my life isn’t right… or there is an area that’s just not settled, it seems to put a damper on the other blessings in my life. I wish I could figure it out and just give it to God and say Lord its all yours and truly give it up and leave it with him, but when it’s something important in your life that’s harder to do than it sounds. Or I’ll have days that are great and I can, then others it just doesn’t seem possible. I wish I knew how to go about having that unfailing faith that’s talked about so much and be solid for more than a few days or weeks. But you know that’s life. When we really get down to it nothing is in our control, we may fool ourselves and do things to make us feel better about things, but we really have no control of anything. We make choices in life that seem like ways to set us up for certain expectations. Because each choice we make is based on an endless list of variables that could go any direction. This is where trust in God is a must. It has gotten me through seemingly impossible circumstances to come out the other side and I realize that it wasn’t as bad as my mind made me believe. These are the moments we need to trust. Since we really have no control, why not act in confidence God is with you and helping and guiding your actions each step. That’s what has gotten me through these down times. I get tired of feeling like that and finally just tell God all about it and why I’m feeling that way and pray for all involved and I have to let it go. If I go back to God each time, I end up ok, it’s only when I try to take control or figure it all out, that my own mind starts reaching for answers and if it doesn’t find them it will cook up its own. The difference is that, once I have relied on God and acted in good faith. The other, I acted out of my own feelings of hurt or fears. When I type this out it made me stop and think OOoohh I just hit on the main thing here. It’s that battle again,,, my way vs Gods way. usually our way is full of reason, feelings, justification and a long list of the things that we feel we deserve.
While Gods way is full of trust, faith, hope and love.

Writing these articles is really like therapy for me. I never pre-write anything or change to much. What comes out on the screen is usually right from my brain. Scary I know but many times as I write this, I find my answers I have been asking God for. God shows us the things we need exactly when we need it the most.
This one has been just like that. All weekend I have been down, Father’s Day and my birthday I was just down not because of my age that doesn’t bother me at all, but other things. Today I prayed all the way during my long drive and it helped some… but about 30 min after that I slowly felt this infused feeling of good. Like Joy was there finally. I can’t explain it but I knew i hadn’t been in a good place and knew decisions made there were not a good thing to do. I found myself staring at the symptoms of depression right in the face.,. and I didn’t like that at all, but today I have felt a little better and then after my prayer it all came together…. no change in circumstances but almost like I knew I could truly trust God with it all, like I have been able to before. There has been a few times this has happened and its usually when I’m down and really need help, help that no friend could help with. Times like these are so important to me because he changes me in a very short time. From being down and depressed to being able to look at how he has been there over the last few years through all of this. The answered prayers, the “God moments” I have had, he brings that all down and kind of crushes my doubts fears and worries.
I still have the ache in my heart but the doubts and worries are gone because he shows me truth, not what I see as truth but what his truth on this has been the whole time. I just have to rely on him more and learn to lean to him instead of my own thoughts. Proverbs 3:5-6 are key. Trust in The Lord. He has shown me so much and to think I still let my mind worry and doubt… it makes me shake my head and thank him for always hanging on even when we fight for our own way. I know his truth on this with out a doubt, but sometimes I just don’t see it ever actually happening. That is when I get into trouble and my mind takes me on a wild ride. One I hate and wish I could keep under control. Each trip on that ride I learn though. I see truth more and I am able to trust a little more. I just get impatient and feel like I’m ready for this next step.
Now to figure out how to do that from the start haha. without the low parts. Wouldn’t that be nice haha

The facts are not in my head. they are not in my feelings they are not in my fears or worries. They are with God and his guidance. I need to remember that more.