Responsibility in love.

Are you a seal on your spouses heart? Are you treating her in a way that honors her and God?

That is how a husband is to be the seal over his wife’s heart. Fact is there are many ways we are to be that seal. Showing love, being attentive, listening to her heart, giving her your time, financially protecting, affirming your affection and love for her. Telling her you appreciate her and what she does each day.

Are you as his wife protecting his heart? Are you the words he needs to hear? Are you his cheerleader and encourager?
We each have a responsibility as a spouse to the one we love. The thing to remember is when one is weak the other needs to step up to protect and complete that seal. I have seen a quote that says relationships are not 100/100 or even 50/50. Sometimes they are 80/20, or 90/10. That is reality. Be the 90 when needed because you maybe the 10 someday and need her to be the 90 for a bit. Love always, love is the seal over the heart that protects it, never leave room for doubt in that area.

You are not planted, you can move.

This is an area I feel I can really speak from experience. For most of my adult life I felt there was more than what I was living. That my job was not where I was supposed to be. That I hadn’t found my calling, if you will. But I fell for the trap. I had a job, not a great paying one but I had one. I look back and could kick myself for not feeling like I could reach for more and it would be ok. I lived in fear of new, unknown… honestly I think back and I really can’t seem to identify what it was that held me back, but I do know that it was all me. I was my own worst enemy. I saw other friends getting better jobs and making big changes and I was glad for them, but wondered why that never happened to me?

I am going to be very open and honest here, total transparency on my part. I have dropped the ball on my end for life. It hasn’t been until the last 5 years that I have really felt there was something bigger than where I was in my work. I really started searching because I knew the area I needed to be (not specifically but generally) was not where I was. I knew I had a skill for communication. Speaking in public was my biggest fear, still is actually. I let that fear hold me back so many times, yet at the same time I knew, I KNEW!!! That was where I was to go. I felt like Moses arguing with God about Him picking the wrong guy. But now, change is coming and its welcomed. I feel God has prepared me for this change and for the first time in my life I feel excitement instead of fear. You know when you think about the symptoms of fear they are exactly the same as excitement? Increased heart rate, blood pressure goes up, sweaty palms, small nervous ticks. I remember when I played football in high school. I was so pumped in the huddle when the play was called and I was to run the ball, that I was shaking, not in fear but pure unfiltered excitement. I was on a field being watched by hundreds of people, being singled out. I should have been terrified. What changed? Why am I motivated now and not 5 years ago? I’ll just say this. Many men are so driven for success, that being defined by money, property or stuff, that they lose so much in life. Others get lazy and want hand outs. The rest of us are somewhere in the middle. Sometimes it takes a woman to motivate a man to reach for more than he ever realized he could, do you know why? Most men, even if we seem strong on the outside, we are really afraid on the inside. So if we are in a current job thats getting us by. Most find themselves staying there, unless its just a horrible job. The motivation to provide for your family in a man is a HUGE thing. When he isn’t able to do that for what ever reason, he really feels like less of a man. For me getting married woke me up, I kick myself for not getting out and looking for these positions I am currently applying for but you know God has a way of bringing these things to you when the timing is right. Not my timing, not my wife’s timing but God’s timing. Now my fear is remaining where I have been.

Learning and realizing we are not stuck is one of the biggest realizations we can make, but it has to be followed by actions. For a guy many times it takes an outside factor to push him. A good woman at his back that believes in him and is the voice that counters his own that can be defeating. A good woman really can make the difference in her husband. More so than she knows.

We are never stuck in life. We may think we are and that things will never change, but thats usually while we are neck deep in struggles. Deciding that you are not a tree. That you can pick yourself up and move to a better place. Trees are great and I love being in nature, but I am not meant to be rooted in one spot, no one is. We all have a purpose in life, we all have skills that we are given that need to be used. Someone out there needs the skills you have to offer, don’t let your fears lock you in place. I will add that this does not mean you just run out doing anything that comes along. Using the tools God gave you, prayer, discernment and wisdom to find these new things have to be used. We have to have a heart for Gods guidance in this pursuit. We have to allow Him to work in this area of our life, not just rush off and go at any opportunity that arises. If it means waiting to think through an opportunity then do it, if more prayer is needed do it, if you can wait a week or so do it, many times the impulsive opportunities will lose their importance with a little wait and will quickly fade from your mind. The lasting ones are the ones that need prayer and contemplation.

Tell her she is beautiful

Guys, start looking at your wife. Appreciate her for who she is. When you know someone’s heart in an intimate way. They become even more than simply beautiful. It’s like a focus that sees through flaws and imperfections.

Ladies when your man says “you look beautiful today”. Don’t blow that complement off because I’ll tell you. He truly does believe what he is saying. He is speaking of more than just your outer beauty. He is seeing the whole women, where you maybe thinking he is just commenting on your exterior looks. He may not even be able to articulate that if asked but he sees the whole you. If he says it he means it. Trust me. 😁

Leadership found….. its in the dishes…. go figure

OK well not really, but I got your attention huh?

I was driving today, thinking about the husband/wife relation and just how bad we can mess it all up by not learning how each other see things, think or motivate themselves. We do them a big disservice by not taking the time to learn our spouses. We didn’t marry them because they are exact copies of ourselves. I have to say we are both equally guilty of thinking our spouse should think and act like we do.

I usually come down pretty hard on the men on these kinds of categories, because well, we usually are the guilty ones.
This time I am going to be giving two sides of this example. A little he can use and a little she can do differently to make things easier. So hang on, off we go to real life……

Cue the twilight zone music…. A normal house hold, Nothing special going on. The husband comes home, kisses his wife and plops in his chair asking whats for dinner. The wife has been wrangling 3 kids all day, frazzled and behind on her list of things to do. Her temper is flaring. The husband has no clue as to the disaster that awaits him. He thinks he worked hard all day, he deserves a rest. His couch maybe very comfortable tonight. How could this have gone differently? Why don’t we see. Cue more music…

Ok I know that was a little silly, but I felt we needed to set the stage and have a little laugh on this serious subject. Now to the real meat.

Lets start at the base of it all.

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

‭‭ This is our starting point, ground zero if you will. There is so much to be gained from this verse. Men, its a lot on your shoulders and if you are not afraid of meeting God’s expectation of you as a husband then you are not aware of what the verse is really saying.
It’s a large responsibility that we have to live up too, but thats ok. So your wondering what dishes have to do with leadership? Or being a husband? More than you might think. I am going to describe a scenario for you then go over the lessons learned and ways both husband and wife might approach this in ways that build into the relationship opposed to driving a wedge.

Husband is sitting in his chair listening to the work his wife is doing. He finally thinks. Ok, I am going to help out. He sees the sink full of dishes and steps up to the plate. Depending on his past experience from his mommy or as a single man he will have different levels of knowledge of how to load a dishwasher. He steps up and begins. His wife now has to pick herself up off the floor and wonder who is this man that looks like my husband? Na not really but he feels her eyes on him. He begins to feel the weight of, ” Am I doing this right? I have no idea where this goes. What is this thing anyway?” Soon after he feels her approach him. She does one of two things. She begins to instruct him on how to load the dishwasher. Or she waits until he is done and redoes all of his hard work. Both usually have the same effect on him. FAILURE!!!!! That is not what she meant at all ,but thats what he feels. It usually ends like this. He says ” I don’t even know why I try, I can never do anything good enough for you.” He stomps off with his bruised ego.

Is this right? No, its not but neither was her way. I’ll go over both. First his. How or what could he have done to lead in this situation? Remember a true leader leads from the front and is willing to do any job of those he leads. What could he have done different in this example? Lets begin again. He gets up to begin dishes. “Honey, I’m wanting to do more stuff on your list of house work and thought about doing the dishes. Can you watch me? Because I want to learn how you do it?” Every wife just fell over. This approach does a couple of things. One it gets the male ego prepared to accept instruction. I know it seems stupid, but we can be pretty fragile, we hate to fail or seem like a failure in front of our wives. So it can be easy to hurt us. The other is it builds into the relationship, what I mean is that when she shares her way of doing it she sees it as sharing part of her life. Its small but it shows that he is stepping into her world and listening to her. This is all building connection. All good stuff. How is this Biblical your asking? The husband is not just the iron fist here, he is leading by humility. He is humbling asking her to help him. Something many men just plain refuse to do. He is reaching for connection with his wife.

Ok now her part. If she sees her husband struggling to do the dishes, she should know he is out of his comfort zone and have some sympathy for him. Instead of just jumping in to give correction, begin with the good. ” Oh thank you so much for doing the dishes. I really appreciate it. ” Then follow up with the truth in love part. “You know i put the dishes here because they can chip if they touch another one. And these cups go here because if on the bottom they could melt.” It softens the blow that he basically didn’t load it your way. You see that I said your way not the right way. There are hundreds of right ways to load a dishwasher, yours is not the only right way. Both of these examples on both sides soften the approach, they show a willingness to work together and add to the relationship as opposed to driving a wedge with harsh instruction and anger. Now if you put both together you have taken any possible chance of a misunderstanding or problem occur.

Yes guys, you can love your wife through doing the dishes. I personally did not take either of these approaches with my wife. I wish I had. Many times I just gritted my teeth when she corrected me, do you know why? I knew my wife’s heart, I knew she wasn’t a critical person. I knew she was just showing me the way she wanted me to do it. She could always feel when I got stiffed up over her correction and it usually got a little uncomfortable and I couldn’t really explain why to her. Its not that she corrected me, its that I felt is if I failed, like she saw me as failing (which was far from the truth) and I hate failing my wife. I have gotten much better at the instructions because I know her heart and I love her immensely. I love putting a smile on her face and if loading dishes her way takes a load off her shoulders and a smile on her face I will do it every chance I get.

Start looking for ways in your every day life you can implement gentle biblical leadership in your home. It usually has a lot to do with setting your ego and pride aside and tackling jobs your not good at. You have the best teacher right at your fingers, just ask her, be willing to learn her way. Yes this is real leadership in action. Its not the heroic throw your self in from of the bullet meant for her type of heroic leadership, but its a true from the heart leadership.

Leadership will come in some of the most unusually places in your family. Many times you may not even realize it but they are still there. I would suggest reading over this verse every week and trying to seriously looking into your everyday life and see how you can put it into practice. Each time ask yourself, Is this adding too or taking away from our relationship? Is this honoring my wife and God? The fact is ladies, most husbands really do want to be your hero and thats why when we seemingly fail you, it hurts and we heap the blame on ourselves, and unfortunately it comes out in anger because that covers a lot of our emotions we are not comfortable feeling. We will pull back and go find something we are good at and stay there for a while to feel better. Ie work, hobbies, sports. So seriously put in the effort to ask questions and humble yourself as the leader of the family to honor your wife. Build something that going to last a long time.

Discovering true manliness

Every guy can list off a bunch of stuff that has defined true manliness. The outdoors, hunting, fishing, working on cars, shooting firearms, wrestling a grizzly bear… your catching my drift here right?

How many of us can really say we are a man? To be a real man means facing our fears. I know many guys that are still acting as teenagers. I know many that have never really grown since about 18 years old. Men get accused all the time of never growing up, and ladies I’ll tell you now, there will always a little boy in him , I don’t care if he is 80 years old, it will always be there and really… its a very sweet part of men. Almost a innocence and playfulness that is very endearing, but not all the time. There is a difference when a man is always the boy and never a man. One of the biggest things I think defines a man is. A willingness to take on responsibility for a wrong. Owning a mistake and make the apologies needed and put real change into action to fix it. But there is still more we miss as men.

How you love your wife on a daily basis is actually what defines you as a man in God’s eyes. We can make all the money, have the huge career, provide the biggest house for your family and make sure they never want for anything. But are you really loving your wife like God has instructed you too? The instructions God gave us husbands is no task to be taken lightly and comes with a lot of weight on our shoulders. The times I have struggled with this, and I would guess every single husband has at some point. In your mind your thinking, she just said something that really hurt me or made me feel like the biggest failure or a huge idiot from something we think is silly, your thinking she doesn’t deserve a good deed from me and you give yourself a long list of reasons to justify that feeling. Here is the catch. God gave those instructions totally independent of her or her actions. Yup thats right. How you honor your wife shouldn’t depend on her doing everything right in your eyes. Just as her treatment of you shouldn’t be based on you being a perfect husband. Because the facts are, you are not perfect and neither is she. The thing that makes the difference in relationships isn’t the fact that you do everything right or meet all of her expectations (because there is no way you ever will.) is what you do after the mistake. For both of you really, how you handle a missed expectation, how you take responsibility for a wrong. Do you choose to honor your wife therefore honoring God by your actions? Trust me guys, I get it. Its much easier to explode when you feel hurt, you can feel the anger swelling up inside when you feel she just took your feet out from under you. Thats the easy route, anger is usually only a cover for a deeper hurt. Don’t let anger take the steering wheel, it will always lead you to selfishness.

Let the way you love your wife define you as a man. Love her when your mad, and show it, love her when your frustrated, and show it, don’t just assume she knows. Many times I have done the same mistake and felt alone at times and refused to reach for her when I have felt frustrated or just not connected with her. I have to get over myself just like I want all of you guys to work on. Choosing to love through the times our wives confuse us and maybe even hurt us with a short word, or a criticism or direction. Remembering that love unconditionally and sacrificially is a choice we must make every day. To have a truly great marriage, its a choice we have to remember to keep at the front of us.

I truly do believe that there can be many things that define us as men and can increase our sense of manliness, but most are empty. Maybe its my age, but I see a true man in someone that makes the choice to love his wife and do it with a smile and a heart that continually pours into her cup to keep it full. It requires a willingness to understand that she is different that you, a level of empathy that is not natural for us as men, a compassion for her heart and a true love of her smile. I always ask myself, “is this something that God would be proud of?” Too often i look at a reaction I made and I know the answer is no. I get frustrated with myself because I know my wife deserves better than my simple reaction. She has had enough hurt in her life, she needs my best and my responsibility to God is to make sure I give her that just as often as I can. That means sucking it up a lot. Not being a door mat, but asking myself, “is this really going to matter 30 min from now? If she corrects how I am doing something is it really that big of a deal?” Understanding her heart and assuming the best in my interpretation of her words. Don’t let your pride raise its ugly head to cause you more problems than you need if there was no reason for it anyway.

Love your wife. Thats a pretty manly definition of men I think.

None of us are perfect guys, we will mess up we will slip from time to time. Just apologize and mean it and put real change into action to file it.

Its on you guys!

If we continue believing that we as men don’t have to engage in our relationships just because we are not comfortable then we have a serious problem, and I will tell you know. We have a serious problem.

I know the facts. I see it on my Facebook page, I see it by who follows my blog. The vast majority are women. I know I have many men that read but are just trolls and stay silent never any input. Silence is killing us guys. This attitude of refusing the reach for our wives in new ways, reluctance to read books and learn new ways of understanding or communication. It’s down right appalling. Guys its not cowardly, its not weakness, you cant just ignore your marriage and expect it to be good. It will end and she will either leave you or she will distance herself from you and you will now just be roommates and you will never be close to her again.

I see it over and over on here. I can ask people for opinions or ask questions and I get women commenting or asking questions. I see 0. Yes a big fat ZERO number of men participating. Thats so disheartening. If you claim to be a Christian male yet refuse to make any effort to relate to your wife, have no desire for a better connection, you are not living out the husbands christian role. You my friend are failing. Yes you, if your marriage is meh, and you seem to be ok with that, you are the problem. Yes I’m sure there are things she does that are wrong, join the club, no one on this earth is perfect.

It’s time to put your big boy pants on and actually embrace the calling to be a man of God inside your marriage not just at church. It’s time to read, its time to listen, its time to watch. There are youtube videos, books and literally thousands of other media on marriage. Get up off your rear end and learn how to appreciate and love the woman you married. Guys its your duty, its your calling, you married her in front of God and its time you started doing your part.

So what does all of this mean, says the guy that is thinking ok smarty pants what can I do? I am going to give some resources for you, with links on amazon (no i don’t get any monetary gain from these links.) Im just tired of men failing… well not really failing but refusing to engage in these kinds of discussions.
Get to know her, ask her some personal questions if you need a refresher. Favorite color, Place to eat, flower. Then go deeper, what are her fears, worry’s, what causes her to feel loved and cared for? What is a source of joy in her life, what is something you do for her that she loves and finds endearing. Find her primary love languages and start learning to speak it. (Thats covered in a book I talk about below) You have to have a desire to fight for your wife and your marriage, to lover her for who she is, not who you might want her to be. Yeah yeah I hear it now. “But she doesn’t do this and this or that…”. You maybe right, but you are not responsible for her change, you can only change yourself and we are going to address that. You lead by example for her. You show her real change in yourself and she will follow suit.

First off You tube.

Look up Jimmy and Karen Evens Marriage Today (I put a link below) subscribe to their channel and start watching.
Also Bill and Pam Farrel. Authors of my fav book men are like waffles women are like spaghetti. They have many interviews on marriage and their books all good stuff

Marriage Today Jimmy and Karen Evans


Love and Respect

Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti

The 5 Love Languages

Guys, I will just be honest with you. We need to be stepping it up in the area of our connections with our wives. Many have dropped the ball thinking that everything is ok and living in the routine. Well marriage will have its routines yes, but a great marriage will not stay in the routine. It takes a willingness on both people to get out of that and reach for more. Ask any marriage counselor and see who is usually the one that comes to them first? Usually the wives I would bet 10 to 1 if not more. They come dragging their husband and usually he will be very unhappy about it, if he even comes at all.

The Bible tells us that we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church. Are you doing that? Are you at least trying? I know at times you might have tried and got stuff wrong and felt like a failure but don’t let that stop you. Keep trying ask questions, make the effort.

Here is the biggest piece of advise I can give you. Read and watch and listen for yourself, not for her. look for ways you can improve, look for yourself in the books, things you can do differently to be a better husband and let her worry about what her responsibilities are and how she can improve on her end. God spoke to her also about how she is to be a wife too her husband. We both have a set of instructions that battle against the natural selfishness and controlling needs we feel and try to justify.

Lets turn the corner men. Show them we are not just empty cavemen, but that we have feelings, emotions and that its ok. Don’t be afraid to engage your wife, chances are she has been waiting a long time for it.

Expectations vs Hope

Expectations vs Hope.

This has been a struggle for many people. The odd thing is that many never even realize it.

I’ll start with the meanings of the words.

Simple Definition of expectation

: a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen

: a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be

Simple Definition of hope

: to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true

On the surface these seem almost one and the same. But when we dive a little deeper, and put them in perspective with how people see them or use them, we can start to see our problems.

When we mix these two up, we can really be in for some shocks and serious disappointments. When we place expectations on our hopes. We rob ourselves of some great things. What I’m talking about is when we have a visual in our minds of something that we hope will happen. Now I’ll refer you back to the definitions. One is believe something will happen vs. wanting something to happen. One is like holding the cardboard tube left after wrapping presents and looking through it. Its very limiting as to what we can see. Our field of view is extremely limited. But if we hold up the wide angle lens of hope we may see the trail we need to take, but we also see the side paths and things along the sides. This gives us perspective to any situation.

Now the havoc that expectations can have on your hope can be devastating to how you view life. I will give you just a small example I have had. The very first hiking trip I went on. I had planned out my route it was about a 6.5 mile hike mostly down hill to get to a 300 foot water fall in Arkansas. I got started late. I had never been to this place before, I had never hiked over night, let alone by myself. I got a late start and was about 4 miles in when I realized I wasn’t going to make the falls by dark. I decided to set up camp for the night. After looking at my map I see that I had to cover about 8.5 miles to get there and back to the truck. At this point I realized I was not going to make the falls at all. I had ran out of time plus I was seriously questioning my ability to get out. It was a rough hike, 2 miles with 1,500 feet of elevation to get out. Yes that’s 2 miles all up hill…. Remember it was all down hill in so up hill out. Needless to say I made it out, well I’m writing this so, go figure. I couldn’t walk straight for 2 days, remember I had carried a 50 pound pack the whole time. I was mad, I was disappointed, I had expected to get to the falls and get some great photos, instead I got nothing, or so I thought. I had let my expectations dictate my attitude when I seemingly failed to get where I had expected I would. After some retrospective thought, I found, I still had a good time, I still did something not many people would go do. I had a white tail deer walk 10 feet from me right through my camp site. I had a river otter just 15 feet from me as I ate my breakfast. Plus I had pushed myself to get out. Yes it was that hard, at times I began to wonder if I could make it. See all the cool adventures my expectations stole from my trip? If I had kept my hope instead of placed my expectations on it I would have been able to enjoy the trip at the time. I know this is just a small issue but I wanted to show you that even in small things we can cloud the two.

Now when you start placing expectations on other people, we get into some real trouble. Look at it this way. In your past you grew up with your mom doing certain jobs around the house, or a dad that knew how to fix things and work on equipment. You ate dinner together or at a certain time. Now with out even realizing it you have a set of expectations on your own future husband or wife. We almost always expect people to do things the way we always have. Now what if you get married and your husband can’t work on things, he wasn’t raised that way, or that his mom cooked chicken every Thursday. Now when that doesn’t happen what goes through your mind? An expectation has now been missed, now what happens? Irritation or anger even, most of the time we will feel some sort of irritation that we can’t really put a reason to. It just doesn’t set right with you. Over time these start to have an affect on how you see your partner.

With some of the men I have talked to or written to in articles, I tell them to do things for their wife with out having any expectations. Here is what I mean. KISS HER!!! At some point in the week give her a good 15-30 second kiss, then turn and walk past her with an I love you or something affectionate. Do it with no expectations of anything later on in the night. Or another one. Clean the house, do the dishes, do some house work, anything that might be on her never ending to-do list. Do it with out expectations of a payment later. As a man we will all hope it sparks something in her to get something going later, but if we put our expectations on that we will be disappointed later if nothing happens. But if we just keep it as a hope and nothing happens we can still be happy that we assisted her or took something off her already over long list. The missed expectations in that situation can be really bad. Just picture it. He is expecting some sort of action as she climbs into bed, but she is tired and has to get up really early. He lays there mad, thinking “Well that’s the last time I go out of my way to help her.” Now if that’s done over and over you can see the damage that can have in a relationship. Learning to keep your expectations and hopes in check or even separate, are pretty important. The other thing is actually voicing your expectations. If you get irritated with someone for a way they did something or didn’t do something, talk about it, ask them about it, don’t just let it build and get worse, but do it in a safe calm way, no yelling or accusing.

Think about the things we say sometimes. They can really reveal if your expectations are whats hurting you or if you have misplaced expectations and hope. One I have heard a lot is. “This is not where I saw myself.” “This wasn’t supposed to be my life.” “ I never imagined my life like this.” Then we get into the more specific stuff of small things like. “You fold clothes that way??” In a smart demeaning voice. “My dad always did _________ why can’t you be that way.” Or worse being compared to a past relationship. The thing to remember is we are all different, we all come from different backgrounds and ways of doing things. First off, I challenge anyone that is in their 40’s to tell me their life is just like they imagined it would be in their 20’s or even 30’s. I’m guessing none or very close.

Just being aware of what your hopes are and what your expectations in life are can really help you keep them in the right place. Not only that but it can help you recognize when one is out of place, it can help you get them back in place. Just seeing it is a huge step. Realizing when your expectations are out of whack is a very big thing and it will go along way into building good healthy relationships.

Truth in relationships

When I use the term truth in relationships, people usually go straight to wanting honesty and someone telling them the truth. Thats not what this truth is about.

Truth to me is the very glue that holds any marriage together. Not that your 100% honest and always tell the truth, don’t get me wrong thats a good thing but here is the ugly truth about marriage. There are going to be times when you don’t like each other. Your going to be at odds and your going to be wondering? Who is this person? This is not who I fell in love with. This goes for both husbands and wives. Be honest… you have said some pretty nasty things to your wife haven’t you? Ladies you have emasculated him or made him feel like a real loser before haven’t you? Be honest!

What gets you out of those places? What pulls you back to fall in love with the guy you almost could say you hated just 24 hours ago, or even 30 min ago? I’m going to step out on a ledge here and say the truth. When you stand your marriage on the principles of God you eventually have to face the music that your actions have been just as bad as your spouse, that you have acted in a selfish, self justifying manner that tore the fabric of cloth God sewed together when you made your vow and covenant with God the day you got married. Many times when we calm down, step away from the fight and allow some of God’s grace to enter back into our lives truth is the thing that glues it all together. The truth of God. The truth of a good man that gave into his selfish side for a bit, or one that got defensive. Or the Godly woman that let her emotions drive the car and steer her anger. Reality says we will fail as husband and wife. We are 100% guaranteed to fail each other, it is going to happen and if you think other wise you better get your head out of the sand or out of Pinterest or off FaceBook. Marriage is hard and it takes work everyday, some days more than others.

You married guys out there, I am going to challenge you and your not going to like it one bit. God calls us to love our wives as Christ loved the church, you cant wiggle out of that one and its not dependent on how she is supposed to respect and love you. They are independent of each other and not reliant on the other for anything. So here is the deal.

You feel hurt or disrespected by your wife? Love her anyway. Protect her anyway. You feel like she is cold and distant? Hug her anyway, kiss her anyway. Guys, I’m serious. Never stop loving your wife. Never stop pursuing her and showing her over and over that you love her. She may turn away, she may not even like the reminder. Do it anyway.

God gave you the duty and he was not joking or taking it lightly. I don’t want to hear how she isn’t doing this or that, I don’t want to hear about anything she isn’t doing that she should, I don’t want to hear about you throwing verses in her face of ways she is supposed to be submitting or what she is supposed to be doing. When it comes right down to it you can only change yourself. You are not responsible for her change, thats between her and God. You just do the best you can, you give your 100% and not give up.

I’m sure your waiting for the next paragraph that lists what she is supposed to do right? LOL keep waiting. I am a man that writes from a mans perspective and honestly usually from my biggest failures with my wife. I am learning but I mess up just like everyone else. I have a long list of words and phrases I wish I could take back. But when step out of the selfish place I let myself get to. I see her beautiful smile, I see and hear her laugh, I see her love for God, I see the woman I know is there. Truth calms my spirit if I let it. I can not look into her beautiful face and deny that God brought two flawed people together. The truth of who we are in Gods eyes over shadows anything else or any circumstance around us. Truth reigns. Truth is the glue, the bandaid and the salve that heals.

Are you pursuing the truth in your relationship? Are you mad at your wife? Are you holding onto something you need to let go of? Close your eyes… see her face with a smile, see her at your wedding day, see her laughing. Remember who she is in God’s eyes. Let truth be the magnet that draws you back. Don’t let grudges or bitterness stop you… The fact is God has called you to it, now the question is are you pursuing it or are you hanging onto your emotions or justifying why your hurt or angry? Ask yourself this. Should God be pleased with the way your acting or treating your wife?

So stop reading already… Get up and go love you wife!!!!

Truth about marriage

Not many images have captured marriage as this one.

Marriage is not perfect. It never once functions inside of perfection. God never said it would, so why do we base its success on an image of perfection? Marriage means I will love my wife, protect my wife, no matter how mad, angry, upset, disappointed, or how badly she has missed one of my expectations. It’s unconditional it is not based on her performance. It’s based on the love Jesus gave us as our example.

Don’t get me wrong this is applied to both husband and wife. We both need that same attitude. I’m just speaking from my male point of view here.

Seeing her heart instead of the failure. Seeing who God gave me and who I chose to marry based on His will and guidance in our lives. None of that is dependent on her or him acting and speaking exactly how I expect or want. Loving through disappointment is a huge thing we have go to learn to do. The reason why is because it’s going to happen. I’m 100% accurate on that and I’ll never say 100% right on anything else lol. But on this I know because I know I have failed a lot personally. We are human, we fail it’s a fact. Now the question is, how are you going to choose to respond? Choose to respond? Get it? It’s a choice. Choose love over anger, remember anger is not the sin the action in anger is what is the sin.

Feelings of inadequacy

Inadequacy is something we have all felt at some point in our lives.

New job, new family, moving locations with new surroundings, anything that makes you have those butterflies in your stomachs, wondering if you can do what your getting ready to go into.

I have felt this a lot and honestly the fears that come with it are sometimes overwhelming and can lock you up so tight in life that you feel panic when challenged to reach beyond the routine.

Here is a clue into this. Nothing you try that is new to you will come without feeling some form of apprehension. Can I do this? Am I capable? What if I can’t? This is so much responsibility on me what if I can’t handle it? Well, we never go anywhere in life having all of the answers. If we knew it all we would feel no fear and have no need for prayer or God.

Don’t let the feelings of inadequacy steer you off your path and into the same rut. Let God show you that if you feel inadequate, that God is adequate, where you are not. And that His strength is what gets us through those weak moments. Look at David, Gideon, Moses and many others. All were not sure they could do what God had laid in front of them. They didn’t have a blue print of their life. They didn’t wait for God to say “here is the path I need you on, just follow the green arrow.” these uncomfortable emotions or situations that fill us with fear and are full of feelings of insecurity or inadequacy are in fact very common and God already knows.

We need to look realistically at it these situations and realize God can make me adequate and capable. I just need to be His tool and to move, take the first step and Get your mind out of His way. The truth of the matter is that no matter how inadequate we feel about something, with repeated experience we gain confidence and that feeling of fear or inadequacy fades with real experience.